#anyways this is why I shouldn’t be up at four am

[vexedmilky]

I’m freaking out rn because what do you mean I don’t look exactly like Shuichi Saihara from the hit game Danganronpa V3: Killing harmony

(Look in tags if you wanna see my sleep deprived rant)

[docrobinavitch]

force of nature, pull of gravity | part one

dr. robby x f!attending!reader

force of nature masterlist masterlist content: 18+ mdni, the entirety of this fic navigates grief, death of mentor (adamson), death of child/family member, swearing, canon medical events, so much angst like i actually have to formally apologize (but the plan is for a happy ending), no sexually explicit content, but mentions of it words: 9.2K synopsis: this fic is based on this request. robby and reader have a complicated history spanning all the way back to when reader was an intern and robby was a senior resident. they have been very close friends and sometimes more, until they have a falling out after adamson's death. robby pulls away and starts seeing heather and reader moves to the night shift, until four years later (season one) a/n: guys um these two are making me physically ill like i am trying to be so normal about it but!!! as we all know by now i am obsessed with angst and yearning which there is plenty of. perhaps too much. also i realized after that robby had a fellowship after his residency but for the sake of this fic we will pretend that is not true hehe. also if anyone is interested older and wiser by lizzy mcalpine sponsored this fic. ok anywaaaaaay let me know if you like. part two incoming even if u hate tho i guess. i will stop yapping now. <3 syd

Today was your fourth day shift since being forcibly moved off of the night shift. You had argued with Gloria about it for weeks, but each time she had remained firm.

“Shen is helping out Abbot now that he’s an attending. We don’t need you on as well. The day shift is short so you’ll be going there.”

“I have seniority over Shen,” You said tightly, “Move him to the day shift.”

“The decision is final. You’re back on day shift. I don’t want to hear anymore about it.”

You and Robby had mostly avoided each other since your return. The two of you would exchange curt nods and talk strictly about cases. There were moments where you could almost see him contemplating saying more, but you always walked off before he could get a chance.

You didn’t want to talk about it. It was why you had switched to the night shift in the first place. He didn’t really want to talk about it either, you knew. He just wanted to clear his own conscience.

And today was the anniversary of when your life had begun to completely unravel. When it felt like the rug was ripped out from under your feet only to reveal you had never been on solid ground anyway. The day Adamson died.

Dana gave you a disappointed look as she watched you walk into Central that morning, “You shouldn’t be here today.”

“I shouldn’t be here at all,” You said, forcing a smile as you pulled your hair into a bun at the nape of your neck.

“Robby’ll be here today too, so. If you could be gentle?”

You scoffed, “Why is he working today?”

“Why are you working today?”

You clenched your jaw, “Where’s Abbot?”

“Getting some air.” She gave you a knowing look and you sighed.

“Okay, I will go handle that.”

“You sure?” She asked as you walked away, “Hard to talk someone off the ledge if you’re already there yourself.”

“Very funny!” You called back as you entered the stairwell.

***

It was a clear, sunny day outside. The sun had just risen over the skyline washing everything in a faint tangerine glow. The breeze blew stray strands of hair away from your face as you walked towards Jack.

He turned his head at the sound of your approach and once he recognized who it was, heaved a sigh, “Dana send you up here?”

“No. Maybe I just wanted to get some air before my shift.”

He gave a short laugh, “Right.”

You leaned against the railing as you looked out over the skyline, “Rough night?”

He was quiet for a moment, “Nights were easier when you were around.”

Your chest swelled at his admission. The last couple of years on the night shift had saved your life when being on the day shift constantly felt like being hit by a truck. It was nice to know that you had repaid at least a little of that back to Jack.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

He paused and you watched him breathe. This wasn’t the first time you’d found Jack up here at the end of a shift. It kicked up your anxiety a notch, seeing him on the other side of the railing. You were clutching the stethoscope around your neck so that you wouldn’t reach for him and haul him back over.

You and Jack had known each other a long time. You knew he wouldn’t jump. Or at least, you were pretty certain he wouldn’t jump. It did nothing to slow your galloping heart.

“Have you patched things up with Robby?” He asked finally and you soured.

“Don’t you think it’s him that should be patching things up with me?”

“It’s been three years.”

“Yeah,” You nodded, “And he still can barely look at me, let alone apologize.”

He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face, “Either of you ever think about how fucked up it is that Dana and I have to treat you like our divorced parents who can’t be in the same room? I mean, we can’t even play cards on Friday nights anymore.”

You were beginning to get annoyed with this conversation. Did Jack think this was what you wanted? To have to dance around how badly Robby had hurt you? To pretend like everything was fine when the sound of his voice alone sent you into a spiral?

“I miss wiping the floor with you and taking all your money when we played cards, too. Now I have to buy beer with my own money,” You joked and saw his shoulders rise and fall marginally with a laugh, “You should take it up with Robby.”

“Believe me, I have.”

Just then, the door to the roof swung open and you turned at the sound to see Robby. He stopped short for a moment when he saw you standing there.

It pissed you off, the way your heart squeezed at the sight of him. The way that with just a glance alone you saw all over his face that today was fucking him up just as much as it was you. 

The way his hair was all mussed and sticking up, like he had been running his hands through it all day even though it was only 7 AM. His hands shoved deep in the pockets of his hoodie. He hadn’t been sleeping, the bags under his eyes made that clear.

You turned back to Jack, trying to shake the urge to go to him. To hold him. Like you would have if it were just a few years ago, without question.

The way you always assumed he’d have you, too.

“Well, looks like now’s your chance to try again.” You pushed yourself off the railing, “See you downstairs.”

You brushed past Robby on your way to the door without meeting his gaze. You felt his eyes on you though, prying, practically begging you to look up.

But he’d have to try harder than that. And even then, you weren’t sure how to clear the thorny brambles that had grown and multiplied around the tomb of your friendship. 

You didn’t know if it were possible to ever look at him the way you used to, when you were a love struck intern and he was a senior resident, oblivious to your yearning. 

Or later, when you had managed to push those naive feelings down, accept your relationship for what it was, and he had turned into the only person in the world who could just glance at you and know what you were thinking.

You missed the ease of it, of not having to say what was on your mind. Of always having someone who would pick up the phone or come over without question. 

But that part of your life was over now and despite what Jack said, you weren’t sure Robby could fix it this time. Even if he tried. 

You were no longer sure if you even wanted him to.

***

The day started off fast and chaotic almost immediately, which was sort of a relief as it kept you from thinking about this particular date or Robby. He introduced you to the new med students and residents professionally, if with a little more affection in his voice than you were used to hearing as of late.

“If you need an attending and can’t find me or I’m busy, you can always tug on Dr. Y/N’s sleeve and she’ll take care of you.” His brown eyes landed on you, sparkling with admiration and nostalgia. You could practically see the film reel of your relationship playing behind his eyes and you had to look away, “She’s been here almost as long as I have. You’re very lucky to have her, take advantage of it.”

You smiled at them all and then made a beeline for the traumas that rolled in as soon as Robby had finished with his speech, grateful to have an excuse to not have to look or talk to him.

But then, as you were rolling the woman with the degloved foot into the trauma room, you felt his presence behind you, and the pressure of his warm hand on the small of your back.

“You got this?” He asked, voice low and too close. The warmth of his breath was far too close to your ear, to the sensitive skin of your throat.

You flinched and he dropped his hand.

“Yeah, I’m good.” You said without looking back at him and immediately you felt the loss of him when he walked away, familiar footfalls sounded behind you as he followed after the second trauma.

***

You should have noticed the med student, Javadi, was on the brink of passing out. She had looked a bit green from the second she had seen the patient's foot and you assumed the constant screaming had not helped.

“Med student down,” The new intern rolled her eyes as she fell.

“Shit,” You hissed and dropped low to the floor to look her over, “Javadi?” You said, placing a gloved hand to the side of her face. Thankfully, she stirred, “Can you stand?”

Almost immediately, she was blinking the disorientation out of her eyes and pushing herself up, “Hey, slowly,” You urged, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Oh my God, no, like, I’m totally fine. I don’t even know what happened. I must have tripped on the gurney. I’m fine!”

She pushed your hands away and started to stand, and you let her, though a smirk stayed on your face, “Javadi, you did not trip, I saw it, you passed out.”

“What?” She laughed nervously, “Oh my God, that’s crazy! That’s… No, I tripped.”

You bit your lip to hide the smirk and nodded, “Yeah, okay, either way why don’t we get you set up in the break room with a water or something? Just a precaution.”

“That’s not necessary,” She smiled, big eyes darting around nervously.

“Yeah,” You nodded, “I get it, really, but,” You lowered your voice, “Robby’s a bit of a hard ass about this kinda stuff so he’ll get really upset if he finds out I let you keep working after you… tripped.” You turned back to the patient. Collins seemed to be running the show, and running it well. “Collins, you okay if I step out?”

“Yeah, we’re good. I’ll call if we need you.”

Nodding, you ushered Javadi out into central, ignoring her protests as you did so.

“Robby,” You called when you saw him at the hub, glasses perched on his nose. He looked up in surprise at the sound of your voice. He couldn’t remember the last time you had sought him out. But then he frowned when he saw Javadi, one of the new med students, walking a few steps ahead of you, “She… fell and hit her head.”

“I’m fine,” Javadi said immediately, “I just tripped.”

You met Robby’s eyes over Javadi’s shoulder and gave a sharp shake of your head that had Robby fighting a smirk, “Okay, why don’t you go hang out in the break room for a bit. Eat a snack, drink some water.”

“I really don’t think that’s necessary.” Javadi said.

“Oh, I know,” He took his glasses off, folding them and placing them in his pocket, “Hospital policy, though.”

Javadi stood there for a moment and you could see the battle waging in her body, deciding if she wanted to argue or not, but eventually, she started walking off.

“Other way,” Robby gently corrected when she went in the wrong direction, and you bit down on your lip as she walked by you again.

Then, you realized Robby was smiling at you. It took you aback, that gentle, tired smile on his face. The crinkles by his eyes and rosy cheeks. You hadn’t seen him like this in a long time, and certainly not when he was looking at you.

“What?” You asked, frowning.

He shrugged, “Just, reminds me of you when you were an intern, that’s all.” He said, gesturing in the direction Javadi had walked off to, “Something to prove and a nervous energy that could rival a cheetah. Not to mention taking a header on day one.”

Despite it all, you smirked, “I was not that nervous.”

“Oh, yes you were.” He nodded slowly, grin stretching so much, you can see teeth, “That’s at least half the reason you passed out in the first place.”

And it was really quite jarring, seeing him look at you fondly like that. Your heart squeezed painfully in your chest and your traitorous brain started pulling up snapshots of when he used to look at you like this. 

All the time. Several times a day, in fact. 

Like the time you passed out and hit your head on your first day as an intern.

You blinked the memory away and hoped you seemed unaffected, “Fine. Maybe I was,” You swallowed and turned to look towards the direction Javadi went, “I should go check on her.”

When you looked back at him, the smile was gone, replaced with disappointment. He wanted you to play with him, you realized, like you used to. But you couldn’t. Not if you wanted to keep your sanity.

When you began to walk away, he called your name. You swore it sounded hoarse, broken, coming from his lips, but thought you must be imagining things. You turned back.

“It’s… It’s really good to have you back.”

You’re not entirely sure why it irritates you, this whole interaction. Perhaps it just reminded you of everything you’d lost the last few years. Everything that had slipped between your fingers when you thought you had a firm grip on it. On him.

At any rate, you didn’t trust yourself to say anything you wouldn’t regret later, so you clenched your jaw and mock saluted him before turning on your heel and heading to the break room.

***

You were sweating so much, it was humiliating. You silently thanked whatever God there was that the scrubs for ER doctors at PTMC were black, otherwise, you knew the armpit stains would’ve been fucking otherworldly.

It was the first day of your residency and with every passing moment you felt more stupid and incompetent. Your hands shook, threatening to drop any and all sharps you handled. Your brain was sluggish and it felt like pulling teeth getting yourself to answer any questions Adamson or a senior resident called on you for. You knew the answers, but your brain would go frustratingly blank anytime you were put on the spot.

It hadn’t been like this during your med school rotations. You were sharp and clever, your recommendation letters proved that, but today you couldn’t seem to get your brain on board. The harder you tried, the worse it got, and the anxiety followed– along with the sweating.

Dr. Adamson and Dr. Robinavitch were explaining that the patient in front of you needed a chest tube, a procedure you were extremely familiar with. You had seen countless during your med school rotations, though you had never been allowed to do one yourself. 

“You’ve seen one before?” Dr. Robinavitch asked you from across the gurney.

You nodded, focusing only on the patient, the steps for a chest tube on repeat in your brain. You would not fuck this up. You would show them once and for all you belonged here, regardless of your previous stammering and shaky hands this morning.

“Okay, get gloved up then,” He said, “You’re up.”

You swallowed as a nurse opened up a pack of sterile gloves for you, conscious that Dr. Robinavitch was still speaking to you and Dr. Adamson was watching you. You couldn’t quite hear, though. The blood was pounding in your ears. Suddenly the fluorescent lights seemed a lot brighter and you were squinting under them. You couldn’t seem to pull enough air into your lungs and, shit, you felt lightheaded. You had managed to pull the gloves on and a nurse was holding out a ten blade to you, but you couldn’t get your hands to move. Your vision became spotty and you think you managed to mutter a, “so sorry,” before everything went dark.

When you came to, it was to the sound of his voice saying your name. Your first name, in fact, which you didn’t realize he had learned. His gloved hand was cradling your head and you could feel the warmth of his skin against your cheek.

“Can you open your eyes for me?”

Your eyelids fluttered and then opened to the brightness of his pen light, “There you go,” He said softly and immediately you were flustered by the gentleness of his tone. His warm hands on you. The way he had said your name when you were halfway between consciousness, his voice like a rope meant to tether you, keep you here, with him. 

Fuck, fuck. You absolutely could not afford to have a crush on your senior resident. It was bad enough already that you had passed out on day one after absolutely blowing it all morning. 

“Is she alright?” You heard Dr. Adamson call from where he must be working on the patient.

“She seems fine,” He clicked off his penlight and gave you a reassuring smile, then his eyes darted up to your hairline and he frowned, “Though she does have a cut on her forehead.”

Sure enough, you felt the warm blood begin to trickle, carving a path down your skin.

“Why don’t you get her a bed and do a quick exam?” You heard Dr. Adamson say.

Immediately, you panicked, embarrassment flooding your whole body, “Oh, that’s okay, I’m fine, really–”

“If you won’t let Dr. Robby clear you, we’ll have to send you home.” Dr. Adamson said and you turned your attention back to the resident in front of you, who’s eyes looked apologetic now. He shrugged, as if to say, my hands are tied. “It’s your choice.” Adamson finished.

Humiliated, you sighed and let Robby help you to standing.You brushed him off after that, assuring him you could walk, and followed him to an empty bed where he gestured for you to sit down.

He grabbed a stool and wheeled it over to you before sitting and you had to remind yourself, again, that you could not fall for this man. Even if his hands were really gentle and his eyes were warm and attentive. 

“I don’t think you need stitches.” He said as he dabbed at the blood near your hairline, “The bleeding’s already slowing.”

You were looking anywhere but at him, both in an effort to calm the stirring in your stomach at his attention, and also because you were still humiliated.

“How are you feeling?” He asked when you didn’t say anything.

You shrugged, “I’m a little nauseous, but my head doesn’t hurt or anything. The lightheadedness has passed. I feel fine.”

He smirked, “I didn’t mean like that, I meant… emotionally.”

You looked at him, surprised, “I–I don’t–” You swallowed, “I skipped breakfast, it’s not–I’m not–”

“It’s okay that you’re a little anxious, it’s normal. It means you care.”

You swallowed and then shook your head, looking down at your hands, “I feel like all I’ve done all morning is screw up and everyone here’s probably wondering how I even matched because I’m such a dud–”

“Nobody thinks that.” He said quickly, “You’re smart and capable and you deserve to be here.”

Your stomach stirred again at his praise, “How would you know that? You’ve only known me a few hours and I’ve fumbled every opportunity.”

He was still smiling at you, dabbing lightly at the cut on your forehead, “You interviewed with Dr. Adamson before you matched, right?” You nodded, “He’s been doing this a pretty long time. Long enough to know with one conversation, and I assume, copious amounts of glowing recommendations, who is a good fit for the Pitt. So, if he thought you were good enough, then I can only assume that you are and will be an incredible doctor. So you’re having a shaky first day, so what?”

Your breathing seemed to slow at the encouragement of his words. He scooted a bit back on his stool and tilted his head to force eye contact with you, “You just have to keep trying. The anxiety will fade, likely before this shift is over. And I’ll be there every step of the way, we’ll get through it together, alright? What d’you say?”

There was no denying that you felt better, now. In med school it had felt like everyone in your cohort was rooting for everyone else to fail. The competitive energy had caused you to see every peer as a rival, rather than a friend. But was it possible that that was all over now? That you were allowed to lean on others for support and not worry they’d be hiding around the next corner with a knife poised to pierce your ribs?

He made you want to believe that, with his warm smile and supportive demeanor. Finally, you gave him a small smile, “Okay.”

***

You parked yourself in a chair across from Javadi, handing her a water bottle and a Clif bar. She seemed utterly miserable, perhaps even on the verge of tears.

“You okay?” You asked gently.

She rolled her eyes and then threw her hands up in exasperation, “We’re not even through the first hour and I’ve already fucked it up– Sorry!” She said immediately, eyes going wide at her curse.

You smirked, “You didn’t fuck anything up. A degloving is a pretty gnarly injury. It’s pretty rare, actually. In all my time here I could probably count on one hand how many I’ve seen. And they never get more fun to look at.”

“Yeah, well, easy for you to say. I bet you’ve never passed out while looking at one.”

Your smile widened, “I can do you one better, actually. Passed out cold on the first day of my residency when I was asked to do a chest tube.”

Her eyes widened, “Are you serious?”

You nodded, “I had had such a bad morning, I just… couldn’t get my brain to keep up with everything that was happening. I blanked every time I was asked something. My hands were shaky any time I tried to assist with a procedure. And so when Dr. Robby told me they wanted me to do a chest tube, I just… I got the gloves on and then I collapsed. It was humiliating.”

“Oh, wow,” She took a bite from the Clif bar, “That’s really bad.”

“Yeah,” You laughed, “Yeah, I thought so, too. But, I’m still here and I think I’m doing okay.”

“How did you… How did you get over it? Not let it derail your whole day?”

Your thoughts drifted to Robby, his kindness and attentiveness that first day. And all the days after. The way he had made you feel like you could do anything, pull off any procedure, just because he believed in you. 

You cleared your throat, and with it, the memories, “You just keep reminding yourself that there’s a reason you’re here. That you worked hard to be here and you’re capable because of it. You’ll fuck it up again, but you learn and you get better. And there are some really, really great people around here who’ll pick you up the next time you fall. We’re all rooting for you. Not against you. So ask for help when you need it. Okay?”

She nodded and you stood, “Drink at least half that water bottle before you jump back in. Ask Robby where he needs you when you’re done.”

“Thank you,” She said sweetly.

You smiled, “Anytime.” 

***

Robby had thought when he asked Gloria to move you to the day shift that things would immediately be resolved. That maybe you’d unintentionally fall back into old habits, finishing each other’s jokes, always running to the other person for a second pair of eyes on a patient, always knowing when the other was stepping out onto a tightrope with no net beneath to catch them. Knowing how to set up the net beneath them without the other noticing.

He didn’t think it’d be so hard to find ways to talk to you and he didn’t think you’d work so hard to avoid him. 

He missed you and had missed you at every shift since you had left, but didn’t know how to tell you. Frankly, he didn’t think he deserved to tell you. Still didn’t. But the hole in him that you left had only grown tenfold over the years, rather than shrinking, like he thought it would. Until he had to accept that not having you in his life was no longer an option for him. Dana had taken to reminding him almost weekly how insufferable he’d become since you had left.

It wasn’t like he had been completely pleasant before you had left. He had still been grieving Adamson and all of them had been adjusting to the pandemic’s impact on the ER. Not to mention, he was still adjusting to being the head of the ER, of doing everything Adamson had used to handle.

But at least, when you had been there, there had still been some familiarity. Everything had changed so fast between the pandemic and Adamson’s death, but you had been the one constant. The one shred of comfort he’d been able to hold on to through all the bullshit. The reminder that things hadn’t always been so terrible here, that they could be good.

Until he went and fucked that up, too.

He had pushed you away over and over again when you tried to help, to grieve with him. You tried to talk about it and he’d snap at you. He didn’t want to relive it, thought he could just shove it down and move past it. But you needed to talk about it, for your own sake. Had begged him, in fact, to talk about it.

“You’re not the only one who lost him, you know? I loved him too!”

He remembered the way you’d cried that night. How he held you after, apologizing. Swearing he’d do better, that they could talk about it. That he’d go to a grief counselor with you.

And then it all played on repeat over and over, the same music, the same twisted dance, once beautiful and graceful, now poisoned with grief and resentment.

Promises that were broken almost immediately, heated arguments in the ambulance bay on their breaks, the silent treatment given during shifts, him crawling back to your door every night. I’m sorry, just let me crawl into bed, just one more night, please, I need you, I can’t do it by myself. 

And he watched, night after night, how he broke you. How you got out of bed in the middle of the night to cry alone in the bathroom. You thought he wouldn’t hear, but he was barely getting any sleep those nights. He heard just fine. 

You’d crawl back in bed, breathing still shuddering from the residual sobs, and he’d kiss your bare shoulders and up your neck. You’d push yourself back into him and still, there was no talking, just the desperate thrust of his hips into yours, and when he came inside you, night after night, he would find himself disappointed each time when it didn’t fix things. When it wasn’t enough, even though it was all he could manage to give. 

Then there was Heather.

At the time, he couldn’t understand what had compelled him to pursue Heather. Though now, he could recognize it was because she had reminded him of you. A version of you that hadn’t been ravaged by grief. The version of you who had made him feel like he was good at this, like it was all worth it. Heather made him feel like that, how you had when you were a resident. It helped him forget all the rest. Most of the time.

In the cloud of his own grief, it didn’t seem to matter much what you would think. And the two of you weren’t dating. Had never dated and would never date. In the many years of occasionally sleeping together, you had never talked about it. Only once, just after the first time, when you were still a resident and he was an attending. 

“It doesn’t have to mean anything.” 

It was all he had said while the two of you got dressed again. You had paused for a second while pulling a shirt over your head, but then had nodded. You never said anything else on the matter.

He supposed it was naive of him to think that it wouldn’t hurt you when he started seeing Heather. But the two of you had always seen other people in the midst of your informal arrangement. And you would go months, sometimes years, never falling back into the other. At the core of everything, you were always friends. Best friends.

He thought this would be the same. 

He saw the way you froze and the way your face fell when you walked out to the ambulance bay to find him pushing Heather against the wall and kissing her. He tried to follow after you, but you insisted it was fine. He knew it wasn’t fine, could tell from the look on your face and the way your voice shook. But frankly, he didn’t have the capacity to do anything about it.

After you had found out, it took you just two weeks before you requested the move to the night shift. And then he lost it. He called you repeatedly, showed up at your door, tried anything and everything to get your attention, to force you to talk to him. To beg for your forgiveness. None of it worked. You didn’t return any of his calls and pretended you didn’t hear him at your door.

He even asked Jack to tell Gloria that he didn’t want or need the extra help.

But Jack had just shaken his head sadly, “Don’t ask me to do that to her, brother. She’s my friend too.”

When it didn’t work out with Heather, he wasn’t surprised, but there was a small voice in his head that reminded him every so often that he had ruined everything for nothing.

He knew you would be pissed when you found out it was him who got you moved back to the day shift, but he couldn’t regret it. Even though things still weren’t normal between you, there was something very comforting about the fact that you were around, in the same orbit as him again. 

It was selfish of him to bring you back to the day shift, but he didn’t know how else to fix things. And Abbot had confirmed you weren’t happy, were no more healed than when you first left. You had taken to pushing it all down and ignoring it, like he had.

He couldn’t have that. Couldn’t watch you turn into him and do nothing about it. So you could be pissed when you found out, that was fine. He would fix it. He could fix it.

***

You felt Robby’s eyes on you all morning. And in turn, when he wasn’t looking at you, you were looking for him. Unfortunately, the instinct to care and look out for Robby had not been smothered completely as you had initially hoped.

As soon as you overheard him talking to the children of the man who had come in, clearly sceptic and struggling to breathe, you wondered if you should step in and take over. It wasn’t difficult to make the connection to Adamson, especially today. You thought about him often whenever you had a patient with pneumonia, when you had to intubate in those cases.

So when he was free, you started to make your way over to speak to him–

But were beaten to it by Heather. 

You had nothing against Heather, truly. In fact, when you were able to look at her and not see Robby shoving her up against a wall, you liked her very much. It was just another thing Robby had taken from you, the opportunity to be Heather’s friend.

Nevertheless, seeing her try to intervene on this case the same way you would have, sent an ache through you. 

“You know they’re not together anymore, right?” Dana said next to you, eyes on her iPad.

It had irritated you at times, how easily she was able to read you, “I know. Doesn’t really change the fact that he replaced me with her.”

Dana looked up at that, “Is that what you think?”

You scoffed, “Look at them. I mean, I’m not blind.”

Dana smirked and looked back down at her iPad, “If that were true, why would he have asked Gloria to move you back to the day shift?”

You stiffened and turned to Dana slowly, “He what?” You asked breathlessly.

She looked up again and examined your change in posture, “Oh,” She sighed, “You didn’t know.”

You turned to look back at him and Heather, and slowly shook your head, laughing in disbelief, “Of course he did. Of course!”

“Come on, kid, give him a break–”

“Dana,” You said, more sharply than you wanted to, “I love you, but I–” You sighed heavily, “Please, just this once, please don’t defend him.”

She sighed and wrapped an arm around you, but then you saw Robby walking towards the two of you and you took off without saying anything. You couldn’t bear to be near him right now. 

Robby frowned when he reached Dana, staring after you, “What was that about?”

She glared at him, “You didn’t tell her it was you who requested she be brought back to day shift?”

Robby sighed and ran a hand over his beard, “You told her?”

“I didn’t know it was a secret.”

He nodded and crossed his arms, looking down towards the ground, “It’s fine, I’ll take care of it.”

“Yeah,” Dana gave a short laugh and began walking away, “You do that.”

***

It was warm out that night three years ago and the first night anyone could remember in a long time that felt almost normal, almost like before the pandemic. With the rollout of the vaccine in the New Year, the constant vigilance was beginning to wane, but only just. But everyone had decided after the last year, they could afford a single night of normalcy with the lifting of most of the restrictions and mask mandates. They had chosen a bar with an outdoor patio and bar, erring on the side of caution, just in case.

You were at a corner table with Jack, on the far side of the patio, squeezing your beer bottle so tightly in your fist, Jack was beginning to grow concerned it would shatter in your hand. Your gaze was fixed across the room on Robby and Heather, Robby’s hand low on her back as she laughed at something he had said. It had been about a week since you had seen them kissing in the ambulance bay and each day since then had become increasingly more difficult.

“You gonna torture yourself all night?” Jack asked, his gaze following yours.

Reluctantly, you tore your eyes from them and back to Jack, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been torturing myself for ten plus years or something.”

He tilted his head and one corner of his lips turned up just slightly, “You ever tell him how you feel?”

You barked a laugh and took a sip of your beer, “Right. As if he doesn’t already know.”

Jack shrugged, “He's pretty terrible at picking up on that sort of thing. And besides, it’s not like you haven’t dated anyone in the last ten or so years.”

It was true, you had tried dating other men. But never for very long. It always became evident that you would choose Robby over any of them, no matter how badly you wished it wasn’t true.

And Robby had dated many women over the years. It had always bothered you, but never as much as this. When it felt like he was copying and pasting your younger, less jaded self. 

But maybe you were self-aggrandizing. After all, even though everyone in the ER had seemed to pick up on the something going on between the two of you, he had never been so publicly affectionate with you. Maybe it wasn’t about you at all. Maybe he actually loved her.

You shook your head, “He knows how I feel.” Your brain floated backwards, pulling the last few weeks to the surface. The fighting and the begging and the way he always knew you would let him back into your bed. He knew. He had to.

“So, what now, then?” Jack asked.

You turned to look at him, “What do you mean?”

He shrugged, “Doesn’t seem healthy for it to continue like this, especially when you’re still grieving Adamson. So what’re you gonna do?”

You leaned back in your chair, shoulder leaning against Jack’s, and looked back to Robby and Heather who were now kissing. You were assaulted with a memory from just a month ago when you had held him, cradled his head to your chest as he cried in your entryway. Afterward, he had fucked you, tender and then desperate, bent you over your kitchen table. 

Now his tongue was down somebody else’s throat. Swallowing hard, you turned back to Jack.

“I don’t know.” You said, and the sentence brought tears to your eyes, “If I could figure out some way to stop feeling like this about him, I would’ve done it by now. I would give anything not to feel like this anymore.”

Jack sighed and then pulled you into his chest, a hand on the back of your neck, “It’s alright,” He murmured into your hair, “You’re gonna be alright.”

You pulled away slightly, looking up into his hazel eyes. Why couldn’t you love this man instead? The one who went to therapy and could read people from a mile away. Jack would’ve known you were in love with him immediately and either would have created a boundary if he didn’t feel the same or have loved you unabashedly. He would never have left you in this emotional purgatory, never sure how he felt from one day to the next.

It’s this drunken line of thought that has you leaning up and into him, eyes darting at the last second towards Robby to see if he was watching.

Jack pulled away, eyes still gentle, almost pitying as he shook his head, “If you’re looking to piss him off, it won’t be with me, kid. I’m sorry.”

Oh, it wasn’t fair. You couldn’t have anything because of Robby. Again and again you thought of the resident who had fallen in love with him and hated her a little more. You wished you could go back and send her on a different path. Any one, just not this one. 

You felt like a petulant child, and maybe the whole thing was complicated by the grief, maybe it was why you had reverted to such immature pettiness, but you hated Robby for it. And you hated yourself.

Your face crumpled, “I’m sorry,” You mumbled, tears caught and strangled your voice, “I didn’t mean it.”

“Shhh,” Jack slid out of his chair, “It’s okay, come on, let’s get you out before he sees you, okay?” He came around to your side and gently hauled you up, wrapping an arm around your waist as he guided you towards the exit.

Neither of you noticed how Robby stared after you both, jaw clenched. He was fairly certain the arm around your waist was platonic, but it had his hackles raising anyway. And then he was annoyed with himself for feeling that way. You could date or sleep with whoever you wanted, that had always been the understanding between the two of you. Even if that someone turned out to be his best friend.

But you had never been with someone he had felt truly threatened by. But Jack… Jack could sweep you off your feet, no question.

And fuck, you deserved that, someone who would treat you right. Love you in a way he didn’t think he would ever be capable of. So did Jack. If the two of you fell in love, he could be happy for you. 

Just not tonight.

Against his better judgment, he followed you both beyond the patio, to the front of the bar where it was quieter. 

The sight of the two of you entangled made him feel sick immediately. Irrationally, he wanted to reach for you, pull you away from him—

But then he heard you crying. Jack still had an arm around your waist, his other hand gently cradling your head to his shoulder. He was whispering things to you that Robby couldn’t hear as you cried.

Instinctually, he wanted to help. He had held you while you cried more times than he could count, and you had done the same for him. He couldn’t fathom that you could be crying like this and not running to you. It was what the two of you had always done, held the pieces together when the other was falling apart.

But as he took a step forward, Jack locked eyes with him and gave a short shake of his head. Don’t.

And then he realized, this was because of him. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, shouldn’t have stung. You hadn’t really been speaking to him since you found out about Heather. He assumed, like everything else, that it would ease with time. 

But now you were seeking comfort in Jack’s arms, and not his. 

He took a few careful steps backwards, the wrongness of it all felt like a shard of glass had been wedged into his chest. He was heading back to the bar, but you were out here, falling apart. 

He ordered another drink, dismissed Heather when she asked if everything was okay. Pulling out his phone, he typed a text out to Jack: You’ll make sure she gets home safe?

Jack sent back a thumbs up emoji just a minute later. But it didn’t ease the tightness in his chest.

You leaned your head against the cool glass window in Jack’s truck as he drove you home, the quiet lull of the radio the only sound. 

He walked you all the way up to your door, even though you insisted it wasn’t necessary, and then wrapped you up in his arms again. You inhaled a shaky breath and rested your head on his shoulder.

“You can call me, whenever, you know?” He said, “Robby’s not the only one who cares about you.”

You could hear the worry in his voice. You knew you were acting erratically at work. No patients had ever been endangered, but you weren’t yourself. You didn’t feel like yourself. The loss of Adamson had fundamentally changed you in ways you couldn’t come back from, but that didn’t stop you from wishing you could rewind the tape back. You ended more shifts than not on the roof, on the wrong side of the railing. 

Robby had extubated Adamson, but it was you who had convinced him to. Had begged him to with tears streaming down your cheeks. You didn’t want to watch Adamson die, but you couldn’t be responsible for losing another little girl. Couldn’t have it on your conscience that Adamson had been on the ECMO for seventeen days with no hope for recovery while a child was waiting on it. You knew Adamson would have made the same choice, but Robby had looked at you with such hopelessness on his face, even as he agreed. 

Agreed because he knew, even though you hadn’t said it, you were thinking of your niece when you looked at that little girl. Your goddaughter that you couldn’t save years ago, the loss that had existentially altered the way you saw your career. The grief that only Robby had been able to pull you out of by the skin of his teeth.

Then that little girl had died too and you had gone to the roof to scream. Cursed cosmic forces, God, or whomever who had allowed it all to happen. You couldn’t bear it, Adamson, the way that girl had looked just like your niece when you extubated her, her mother’s screams over the phone resonating just like your sister’s. The grief felt like a monster clawing its way out of your chest. And Robby had followed you up, trapped you against his chest as you both shook with sobs.

Robby’s not the only one who cares about you.

Sure, logically, you could wrap your head around that fact. But he had been the only one who was there for those losses. Had held you through them and watched the aftermath as you slowly imploded.

And it seemed he had decided it was too much. After everything the two of you had been through together, he couldn’t see you through this one. He didn’t want to.

Maybe Robby wasn’t the only person who cared about you. Maybe Jack and Dana loved you too. But they hadn’t seen the worst of you and then decided to walk away. Maybe if they had, they would make the same choices he had.

But you gave Jack a watery smile anyway, “I know.” 

***

“Doctor Y/N, do you have a second?” Robby’s voice came from the threshold of your patient’s room. He leaned against the door frame, lightly tapping it with his fist as he smiled at the patient.

You forced a smile for your patient, “I’ll be right back.”

As soon as you were out the door, he was steering you by the shoulders into a patient’s room and closing the door behind you. 

You pretended to be unaffected by his touch. It was the first time you had been alone with him since returning to the day shift and you wondered if he could see the longing warring with the anger on your face.

“Look,” He started, crossing his arms over his chest, “I’m sorry that I asked Gloria to move you here. We are short staffed and she offered me Shen,” He shook his head, “If you were me could you tell me that you would have picked Shen over you?”

You hated the way that tugged a smirk at the corner of your mouth. Shen was a great doctor, but his whole vibe and attitude had unsettled both you and Robby. It was something you had joked about when he was still a resident, that his energy was created in a lab specifically for the night shift. But you shook it off.

“You knew being here would hurt me and you did it anyway.”

He scoffed, “What would you have me do? You don’t answer my calls, you ignore me at shift change, am I just supposed to accept that this is it? After everything, this is how it’ll always be between us from now on?”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with that when you and Heather were together.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and ran his hands along his cheeks to the back of his neck, “And what about you, huh?” He asked quietly.

You sighed, “What about me?”

“You went home with Jack that night, did you sleep in his bed?”

Your eyes narrowed in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“That night at the bar. Three years ago, right before you switched to the night shift.”

Slowly, it came into focus. Robby and Collins kissing at the bar. Your tearful conversation with Jack. The way you had tried to kiss him. Him walking you out, an arm around your waist.

Your laugh came out sharp and jagged, “Are you fucking kidding me?” He continued to stare at you and you gaped at him, “No,” You said bitterly, “Not that it would be any of your fucking business if I had.”

“Well apparently Heather and I were your business seeing as you unilaterally decided to end our friendship over it.”

You closed your eyes, pretended that every word coming out of his mouth didn’t feel like a punch in the gut to you, “If you still can’t understand why that hurt me so badly,” You said, slow and soft, “Then I have nothing more to say to you.”

You sidestepped him and left the room before he could stop you, swallowing back the tears that threatened to spill over.

Dana watched from across the way as you stormed away, Robby following shortly after, staring longingly after you, jaw clenched. She walked over to Robby and put a gentle hand on his arm, not saying anything.

“She hates me.” He said.

Dana blew out a long breath between her lips, “You wanna know my advice?” Robby turned to her, sad eyes in full swing, “Keep trying. She’s scared to let you in again. She thinks you’ve replaced her with Collins.”

“What?” He laughed, “She said that?” Dana nodded and he shook his head, mouth gaping open, “That’s ridiculous.”

But even as he said it, he knew it wasn’t true. He hadn’t consciously tried to replace you, it wasn’t possible to. The years of history between you both were insurmountable. The relationship was so convoluted and tangled it couldn’t be replicated. But now that Dana had said it, it wasn’t hard to see how you had connected those dots, regardless of what he had intended.

“Keep trying,” Dana repeated and lightly squeezed his arm before walking off.

***

When you saw the nurses wheeling Mr. Spencer, Robby’s pneumonia patient, towards pedes, your breath caught painfully in your throat. Without thinking, you walked over to Dana, “Where are they bringing Mr. Spencer?”

“Pedes, why?” She took off her glasses as she looked up from her iPad.

You swallowed, “Robby’s still on that case?”

“Yeah.”

Fuck. He had already handled the overdose teen, something you knew wasn’t easy for him because of Jake. He had intubated Mr. Spencer even though he knew it wouldn’t save him. Now you could only assume he’d have to extubate in the same room he had extubated Adamson.

“Where is he?”

“Who? Robby?” You nodded, “I think he’s with the parents of the overdose teen.”

“Thanks,” You said and then headed for him. 

It was ridiculous, you knew, the way you were running back to him. Less than two hours after your argument. You wanted to hold on to your anger because you were afraid of what was underneath it, but you didn’t want to watch him fall apart, either. And despite it all, you knew he’d have your back in the same way. Today and everyday. 

“Robby,” His name came out frantic as you watched him walk out of an exam room, turning to the hand sanitizer dispenser. He looked up at you, question in his eyes as he rubbed the sanitizer into his hands, “Uh, Mr. Spencer. Could I take over his case?” 

The words came out rushed and breathless. He tilted his head in question, “I already have an established relationship with his family and they’re having a tough enough time with the end of life care. Why do you want him?”

You opened your mouth to speak, prepared to come up with some lie, some excuse, but found you couldn’t do it, “They moved him to pedes.” You said softly, “I just, um,” You sighed, “I thought I could handle the extubation for you.”

When you looked up at him, his eyes had softened. You again noticed how he hadn’t been sleeping, how his eyes seemed almost permanently red rimmed. And now, besides the sadness and the grief that always seemed to be there when he looked at you, there was what looked like a tinge of relief.

He gave you a sad smile, “It’s okay,” He said softly, “I got it.” 

And then he sidestepped you, walking towards pedes. You followed, feeling desperate to stop this. Stop it like you hadn’t been able or willing to four years ago. You hadn’t volunteered yourself to extubate Adamson, though, you doubted Robby would have let you then either. You still wish you had tried to protect him from that. Even if it would have broken you, maybe one of you would have gotten out unscathed.

But that wasn’t true either, no matter how badly you wished for it. There was no alternate dimension where you and Robby left that day intact, unharmed.

“What if…” You lengthened your strides to keep up with him, “What if I extubated while you were in the room? With the family?”

He slowed to a stop and turned back to you, causing you to nearly collide with his chest, “I appreciate what you’re trying to do,” He said gently, “Really, but it’s okay. I can do it by myself.”

“What if I just stand in the room then?”

“You should be seeing other patients.”

You shook your head, “This is where I need to be right now. The patients can wait a few minutes. There are plenty of residents to attend to them.” He looked like he was going to say no again. “Please.” You said, desperately, “You wanted me here, so I’m here. Let me help you.”

That seemed to catch his attention and his eyes locked back on yours. He searched your face for a moment, eyes lingering too long on your mouth before they travelled back up, “Okay.” He started walking again, “You can stand in the room.”

The relief you feel that he accepted your help is short lived, because now you’re standing in pedes, a place you had somehow mostly managed to avoid since Adamson, and you can’t seem to pull enough air into your lungs. 

You lace your hands together behind your back as you listen to Robby and Mr. Spencer’s children speak. 

But you’re not really here, you’re back four years ago, sitting at Adamson’s bedside, Robby beside you. The inside of the PPE is suffocating and sweaty with the tears streaming down your face and snot dripping out your nose. One gloved hand holds Adamson’s hand, the other holds Robby’s, the heat from your hands feeding through the gloves. You’re squeezing Robby’s hand repeatedly, needing him to squeeze back so you know he’s still there, still breathing. Because even then, you knew this may push him far away from you. 

You blink and Robby’s face is in front of yours, no PPE, just watery eyes and calloused hands on your cheeks, “You okay?”

In a moment of weakness, you leaned into his touch, closed your eyes and nodded. He stays like that for a moment before dropping his hands and standing next to you, shoulders touching.

Listening to Mr. Spencer’s rattled breathing, you slide your hand down Robby’s arm and intertwined your fingers. You heard Robby’s sharp intake of breath.

After a moment, he squeezed your hand.

PART TWO

[lemonlover1110]

𝐖𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐬

Toji Fushiguro

[Chapter 1] The Grand Proposal

Story Masterlist

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader

Chapter Summary: Toji has been stressing about this for the past week. He needs it to be perfect. He wants to tell his grandchildren about how grandpa was romantic and thoughtful once upon a time- He wants to set the standard high for them. Grandpa loves grandma like no other.

Chapter Warnings: Fluff

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“Does my tie look okay?” Toji feels ridiculous asking the question to his four-year-old but today is a very special occasion. It’s one of the most important days in Toji’s life, and he can trust that his son will tell him the truth.

“You’re too tall.” Megumi can’t reach all the way up to the tie, so Toji picks the little guy up and puts him on the bed. Megumi gets his grubby little hands on the tie and fixes it. He crooks his father’s tie, even though it was perfectly fine before– In Megumi’s eyes it looks perfect, which is what matters. Toji’s too nervous to even notice it, blindly accepting the judgment from Megumi.

“I think I’m ready.” Toji says, until Megumi’s hand rubs against the stubble on his face. Toji sighs, feeling pathetic for the way he acts tonight. “Okay, I have to shave.”

“Yeah, you don’t want her to say no.” Megumi responds, sitting down on the bed as his father walks away.

Toji is taking deep breaths, trying his best to calm down. He’s nervous, a feeling that rarely comes to Toji but when it does, it’s bad; it consumes him as a whole. He’s proposing to you tonight. After a year of dating, Toji decided that it’s time. 

A year is not a long time by any means, but Toji just knows that you’re the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. It’s undeniable, after all, it’s destiny. He just knows that you’re the woman he’s supposed to be with, and he doesn’t want to waste another minute.

Maybe it’s too soon, and he should hold off on the question. You’ve barely talked about marriage anyway, you’ve just talked about the fact that you do want to get married eventually. He can’t back down now, he already spent money on the proposal so he’ll try at the very least. 

His hands are shaky as he puts the shaving cream on his face… He’s done this before, why does he feel so nervous? Granted, last time he proposed to a woman it was a spur of the moment decision, not a very detailed plan. He didn’t have time to think about it and back down like he does now.

“Am I coming with you?” Megumi barges into the bathroom, and Toji nearly cuts himself, startled by the little one.

“You’re staying with a friend.” Toji answers, and Megumi pouts. He wants to be included, not stay behind and hear about the spectacular night you and his father had. Why can’t he be included?

“I’m more fun than you.” Megumi says, and Toji laughs. There’s no doubt in Toji’s mind, but this doesn’t require Megumi and his way of providing entertainment. “I’m not going to bother you.”

“You still have to stay behind, Megumi.” Toji responds, and the child pouts. Megumi stomps away, and Toji rolls his eyes. What a dramatic child. “You’re going to have fun! Don’t throw a tantrum.”

Megumi somewhat helps Toji calm down his nerves. At least he gets a laugh out of the child’s attitude. Toji swears the child doesn’t get the attitude from him.

“Are you ready to go, Megumi?” Toji yells as he pats his face dry. He shouldn’t be asking the question when he’s not even close to being ready, but it’s easier to focus on someone else when you’re in Toji’s shoes. There’s no response which can only be one thing: Megumi’s too mad at Toji to care.

Toji walks out of the bathroom to get the rest of his shit together. He’s running behind, he promised he’d be at your door at seven but he’s going to be at least ten minutes late. He feels like he’s lost his head– Oh, he’s praying you accept because there’s no way he can propose again. He absolutely hates this feeling, he has no idea where to go and which step he should take next.

“I promise I’ll behave.” Megumi is following behind Toji, trying to convince his father to let him go. He just wants to be a part of this very special night, not be left behind with some loser. Toji ignores the child that follows behind like a lost puppy. 

“Where’s my cologne?” Toji mutters, running around trying to find it. He’s lost his head. It’s not where it usually is which leads him to believe that the little bug that keeps pestering him is hiding items. He could go without it, but you often mention how he smells so good that you could just eat him. He’s trying to get everything in his favor tonight, so he can’t go off without the cologne. “Where did you put it, Megumi?”

“I don’t have it.” He claims, but one swift look at the child tells Toji all he needs to know. Toji begins to walk to the child’s bedroom, and the moment he steps into the room he notices a plushie that’s out of place. He moves it to the side to find his cologne and as well as the ring box.

“Megumi, what did I tell you about lying?” Toji sternly speaks, looking at the child that’s less than half his size. Megumi looks at his feet in shame, not because he feels bad but because he’s been caught.

“To only do it when it helps you.” Megumi responds, barely audible for the man. Toji doesn’t care to discipline the child too much, he’s running out of time. He’ll deal with Megumi later.

“I have to get going.” Toji looks at his watch, realizing that he should be out the door by this time. But he can’t leave Megumi alone at home, and Megumi isn’t ready yet. “Megumi, if you aren’t ready within the next five minutes, I’m leaving you home alone.”

“Okay…” He hates the hint of attitude that’s in Megumi’s voice. The child couldn’t care less. He doesn’t take Toji seriously, and Toji can’t stand it. 

“You know what happens when a child your age is left home alone?” Instilling fear will surely work. Toji is fighting back a smirk when Megumi shakes his head. “A big ugly monster comes and takes them.”

“Uglier than you?” Megumi says, which makes Toji sigh. Perhaps he should be offended, but he’s used to Megumi’s mouthiness at this point. It’s just another night for Toji. 

“Yeah, uglier than me and meaner as well. Now get ready.” Toji responds, though his tactic is not working. Megumi is unbothered, and Toji can’t afford to waste another second. It’s fine, Megumi isn’t really doing much, so he’ll be fine in pajamas.

“We’re leaving.” Toji picks the child up and carries him to the car. Megumi is kicking his feet, trying to break free from his father’s grip– To no avail, Toji is much stronger than Megumi. “Any chance you had of coming with me perished.”

“What does that mean?” Megumi asks while kicking his feet in the air. “Let me get my toys!”

“No, you made your choice. You wanted to be a brat, and now you’re going to Gojo’s place in your pajamas, with no shoes and no toys.” Toji feels a twinge of empathy for the child but he’s too irritated to let Megumi go back inside. Toji is running late, and tonight he wants you to have no doubts about him. He’s the perfect man for you, he has to showcase that in every possible way.

“I’m gonna run away!” Megumi yells, though he can’t do much when Toji holds him. Toji rolls his eyes. He knows that the neighbors hear how his child yells from the top of his lungs, but they know Megumi is a tad bit overdramatic. 

“Right before your fifth birthday? Please do me the favor so I can sell your gift.” Toji responds which instantly calms Megumi down. That threat works like a charm, perhaps he should’ve led with that. “Gojo better tell me that you were an angel or else.”

“I’ll behave!” Megumi claims, needing his birthday gifts to be safe. 

That was all it took for Megumi to behave for the rest of the night.

Toji’s hands are sweaty as he knocks on your door. His heart is about to beat out of his chest… All for what, a marriage proposal? Toji, a man that’s conquered many hearts because of how charming (and manipulative) he can be when he sets his heart on something. This shouldn’t be hard, he shouldn’t be nervous.

“Toji!” You exclaim as you open the door, looking as beautiful as ever tonight. He’s about to crap himself, he can’t propose. Your hands meet behind his neck before bringing him down to peck his lips. Your nose goes to the crook of his neck, and just as he expected, you tell him, “You smell so good, I could eat you.”

“I’m not opposed to that.” Toji chuckles as you press a subtle kiss on his neck. He pulls you into his embrace, hands resting on the small of your back. “You’re looking stunning tonight.”

“When am I not?” You reply with a laugh. You close the door behind you, and intertwine your arm with his before walking out. “Where are you taking me tonight, big boy?”

“It’s a surprise.” He tells you, and you squint as you look at him. Something is up with him, Toji doesn’t do surprises. “You’re looking at me funny.”

“What’s up with you?” You question, and you swear you see his cheeks turn pink. But Toji? That’s unlikely, your eyes must be deceiving you. You look away, knowing there’s no possibility that your boyfriend is blushing.

“There’s nothing up with me. Jumping to conclusions already?” He tries to play it off, which gives it away. There’s something up with him, and you’re going to figure it out.

“How’s Megumi?” You ask him, and Toji can say a lot but he decides on sighing. That’s all he needs to say, you know that the little guy can be stubborn. “What did he do this time?”

“Wanted to join our date.” He chuckles, and you can’t help but laugh as well. You’d let the child join, you’re always happy to have Megumi with you… But Toji knows best. And you do appreciate not having to watch your mouth and being able to be as affectionate as you want to be with Toji.

“Poor little guy, you should’ve let him join.” You’re clearly joking, but Toji can’t help but roll his eyes. Megumi is such a cockblock that he should be studied by scientists, it should be impossible. Luckily he got rid of the child for the night. 

“Can’t thank Satoru enough for taking him off my hands tonight.” Toji says, and you’re fighting back on smiling as you think about what tonight has in store for you. It’s going to be fun, that’s what you can gather from this.

“I’ll thank Satoru if you make tonight worth it.” You wink at him, and he should make some sort of remark that’ll make you chuckle, but he feels as if his heart is about to beat out of his chest. He’s going to do it. He’s going to propose…

“Yeah…” He lets out an awkward laugh. You get to his car, and he opens the passenger door for you. You kiss his cheek, muttering a thank you before getting into his car. He takes a deep breath as he shuts the car door, muttering, “Tonight is going to be unforgettable.”

“Woah… This place is…” You’re sitting across from Toji, holding the menu in your hands and staring at the high prices. Toji has never taken you to a place this expensive before, and it makes you wonder what he has up his sleeve. “Nice.” 

“Yeah, I want tonight to be spec– Nice.” He corrects himself before he gives it away. And then it hits you. Perhaps you should’ve known the moment he took you to a place where there is valet parking, but what matters is that now you know.

You thought it was next month, but apparently it’s tonight since Toji is going above and beyond. Your second year anniversary with Toji. Many questions pop into your head as you try to figure out how you’ve forgotten this very special night… And how did Toji even remember?

“Happy anniversary.” You smile, trying to play it off. It totally hadn’t slipped your mind. Toji looks puzzled as if he’s trying to figure something out. Your mind lands on his gift. A non-existent gift that you very obviously do not carry with you. You decide to lie, “I do have a gift for you, but it’s back at my place.”

“Happy anniversary.” He’s forcing himself to smile. He forgot that? How did he forget it? He had it marked on his calendar but guesses with being in a rush about a proposal and whatnot made it slip his mind. “I do have a gift for you as well.”

“What is it?” Your interest is piqued, and you really don’t want to wait till later to find out. You’re not as patient as you claim to be.

“What’s your gift?” Toji responds, and you roll your eyes. You haven’t figured it out yet, therefore you can’t give him a response.

“Fine, leave me guessing.” There’s a hint of attitude in your tone, something that Toji doesn’t care enough to fix. He has bigger issues right now. “What can I order? I know you’re not made of money.”

“That’s kind of rude.” Toji points out, holding back on laughing. You aren’t wrong though, but tonight is special. He wouldn’t take you to a place he couldn’t afford. “I brought you here because I can afford it. Order the whole menu if you want.”

“Really?” You raise a brow his way, and Toji clicks his tongue. He puts his hands up defensively before saying,

“You got me. Don’t order the whole menu, I don’t have that kind of money.” He laughs, and you chuckle. 

“Thank you for bringing me here, dear. This is a very lovely place.” You reach over, and take his hands into yours. You feel just how sweaty his palms are, and you wonder why. It’s definitely not hot for him to be sweaty. “Toji, are you nervous?”

“Why would I– You know, I think we should celebrate.” Toji has to do it now, he might die if he waits till dessert. He’ll call over the waiter, and proceed with the plan that he had. He got the idea from some article on the internet, putting the ring in your drink and whatever follows. It’s not particularly romantic but for Toji it’s perfect. Toji’s charming, not romantic.

“Celebrate?” You question before remembering your anniversary. You feel bad for forgetting when he’s clearly put effort into tonight. You can fake it though. “Of course, let’s celebrate.”

Toji flags down the waiter, telling him to bring out champagne. Toji doesn’t drink, but tonight he'll make an exception. You also know he doesn’t drink, which makes you suspicious. Tonight is not an ordinary night.

“Two years already, huh? When are you proposing?” You tease him, and he nearly chokes on his own saliva. His eyes are wide and you feel the need to clarify. “I’m joking, babe. You don’t have to react like that.”

“React like what? I’m fine.” He says, and you’re having a hard time believing him. He’s nervous about something, it’s written all over his face. “You have to stop reading into things.”

“I’m not.” You respond, knowing that there’s something up with Toji. A man that’s usually stoic looks almost nervous. You won’t push him to give you an answer though, that surely won’t work with Toji.

“Finally.” Toji’s eyes glimmer at the sight of the glasses on the table. He takes a deep breath, preparing himself to speak. To give the small speech that he wrote down with Megumi’s crayon. A small speech that he lost because Megumi poured a glass of water on it– But it’s fine, he memorized it. 

“Cheers.” You grab the glass in front of you, and clink it with Toji’s. You furrow your brows, noticing that the liquid in Toji’s is shaking. He’s shaking. “Toji, are you okay? Are you cold?”

“They keep the place chilly.” He tries to laugh it off. He’s giving it away. Though he says it’s chilly, he’s sweating. But before you can question it, Toji chugs down his drink. There’s something wrong with him. He prompts you to drink as well, “It’s gonna get warm.”

“I’m not in a rush.” You look at him inquisitively. You love Toji, and you’ve gotten to know him pretty well. But you can’t know what’s going through his mind by merely looking at him. You grab your drink slowly, and bring the glass to your lips before taking a long sip of the champagne. Drinking from a glass has never been as awkward as it is now, feeling Toji’s eyes watching your every move.

“Toji, this is the last time I ask, what the fuck is up with you?” You ask, getting frustrated with him. He’s acting odd, and you wonder if you did something wrong. 

“Look at the bottom of the glass.” He instructs you and you frown, grabbing the glass and inspecting the bottom of it. There’s nothing. Perhaps it’s because there’s some liquid, but apart from bubbles you spot nothing. 

“What?” You question, and Toji loosens his tie. “Did you see something weird?”

“Is there nothing at the bottom?” Toji asks, and he almost loses his shit when you shake your head. His eyes are wider than you’ve ever seen, and suddenly the man stands up from his chair. He bites down his tongue before saying one simple word, “Bathroom.”

Before you can utter a word, Toji’s gone. What an odd man he is tonight.

Toji looks around the place, trying to find the dumb waiter that he tasked this with. The instructions are very clear, how could he mess that up? Toji’s eyes land on the waiter, and the poor man begins to tremble when he sees Toji’s terrifying glare. A predator has spotted its prey, and the prey is too slow to run away.

Toji grabs the waiter by his collar, dragging him from the kitchen to the back of the restaurant in a matter of seconds. Toji is pinning this twenty-something-year-old against the wall, making the poor man almost cry out to his mommy. Toji feels like he’s doing some shady business again.

“Where the fuck is that ring, boy? You know how much that cost me?! I’ll sell your intestines to make you pay.” Toji threatens; a threat that holds no weight, but sounds so natural as it rolls off Toji’s tongue. 

“I-I don’t know, s-sir. I promise I put it in.” The waiter stumbles over his words, absolutely terrified of Toji. It’s a scary scene, specifically with how ravenous Toji looks. Toji’s hungry for blood, and he’s staring at the perfect target. 

“Where the fuck is it? That damn ring cost me an arm and a leg.” Toji’s anger couldn’t be more clear than now. It’s absolutely terrifying for any bystander, and of course, the poor man that is pinned against the wall. 

“Whose?” The young man is closing his eyes, scared that these moments might be his last. The grip on the collar tightens, Toji getting angrier by the second.

“You want to joke around with me? Is this funny to you?” Toji spits out, and the poor boy frantically shakes his head. Toji finally let’s go, letting out an annoyed sigh. “Get me your fucking manager.”

“Yessir.” The young man responds, body nearly falling to the ground as he struggles to find balance. At least Toji let him go. He’s alive, and he should be grateful.

“That took you long enough.” You chuckle, watching as Toji sits across from you once again. You want to ask if the reason why he was acting weird was because of a stomach bug, but Toji looks mad. 

“Must’ve eaten something bad.” Toji mutters, as if upset. Though you understand having a stomach bug is not enjoyable, you don’t particularly understand why he looks mad. 

“Do we have to go? Our celebration can wait.” You reassure him, but Toji shakes his head. He sighs. 

“We have to celebrate our anniversary.” He responds, but you don’t want him to put his well being at risk to celebrate the date. Your celebration can wait until he gets better. Your hands reach over to grab his own, giving them a squeeze.

“I don’t want you to sit through a celebration while you’re feeling ill.” You watch him avert his gaze. You know he’s upset about this, and you think of how to make him feel better. You chuckle before confessing, “I forgot about our anniversary… I thought this was just going to be one of our usual dates but here you go, going above and beyond. So don’t feel bad if you want to cancel all of our plans, and call it a night. We can just go home, and I’ll make you tea to help your upset stomach.”

“I guess…” Toji is a fool. Putting a ring that expensive in a glass of champagne? For you? That man should’ve carved out your name on a mountain and asked you to marry him at the bare minimum. This place– The proposal and the restaurant is too trashy for what you deserve.

“I have to talk to the manager, will you give me a second?” Toji asks, and you furrow your brows. Was the incident in the bathroom that bad? You won’t question it. You don’t want to embarrass the man. 

Toji comes back within five minutes, extending his hand for you to take. Without a doubt, you take it and leave with him. You’ll go anywhere that Toji wants to take you.

“You know–” You begin before shoving a fry into your mouth. Toji decided to take you to eat fast food before going home. Though he’s supposed to be sick, you’re both eating fast food in his car. Luckily he’s parked outside of the place, so in case an emergency does come up, he can run inside. “I’m surprised you remembered our anniversary but I didn’t.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Toji questions, reaching over and taking one of your fries since he already ate all of his. He eats fast– One thing about Toji, he’ll make sure he doesn’t have to share. You glare at his hand, and almost slap it away.

“That I’m the one that’s usually great at remembering dates.” You answer, and Toji tries to recall today’s date. Tonight he just got extremely lucky… In that sense at least. He’s calling it quits on tonight’s plan. He’ll perfect the proposal over the coming weeks. “But you know what they say: a broken clock is right twice a day.”

“Did you just compare me to a broken block?” He’s slightly offended by the question, but the glimmer of mischief in your eyes makes him chuckle. As revenge, he reaches over and takes a couple more of your fries.

“Hey! Stop eating all of my food!” You scold him, and he fights back a smirk. He puts on a show of eating your food in front of you, showing off that he’s taken your fries and you can’t do anything about it. “You shouldn’t even be eating this with your stomach.”

“My stomach is fine.” He assures you, but you can’t take him seriously. Toji could be dying on a hospital bed, and he’d still reassure you that he’s completely fine. With how long it took him to come back from the bathroom, you doubt he’s okay.

“Are you sure? Because–”

“What do you think about getting married?” Toji cuts you off, not wanting to talk about an upset stomach or his shitting habits. You can’t help but giggle at the way he changes the conversation, especially from something so ridiculous to a serious matter.

“Why? Are you proposing?” You tease, and Toji rolls his eyes at your reaction. You chuckle before answering truthfully, “I’d love to get married to you someday. Anywhere, any time.”

“Good, because you’re stuck with me for life.” Toji tries to joke, but it sounds very serious. He’s joking but at the same time he isn't. Not that you mind being stuck with him for life.

“Hmm… How about we go to the courthouse tomorrow and get married?” You propose and Toji begins to choke on the fry that he stole from you. He quickly grabs the soda and drinks like a wild man, while hitting his chest. You’re worried for a millisecond before you burst out laughing.

Toji coughs up his fry while the sound of your laughter fills up the car. Your hand goes to his back, caressing it as he calms down.

“Glad– That my– Near death experience is funny to you.” He’s still coughing. When he calms down, he’s glaring at you. A glare that many find intimidating. But you find it amusing, knowing Toji isn’t going to do anything.

“Could you imagine? Death by fry? I can’t decide if that’s an amazing or a pathetic way to go.” You say, and Toji rolls his eyes again.

“Fine, let’s go to the courthouse tomorrow and get married.” Toji agrees. It definitely takes the weight of proposing off his shoulders. 

You shake your head. “I was joking.”

“Like hell you were. I know how you women are. You’re joking, but you’re actually dropping hints.” He does air quotes, and you glare at him. The difference between you glaring at him, and him glaring at you is that he actually feels a twinge of fear when you look at him badly. He begins to laugh, putting his hands up defensively, “I was just messing around.”

“Like hell you were, punk.” You sound so serious that it scares him. Before he can even defend himself, your hand goes to his bicep and you proceed to lightly pinch him. He cries in pain, and you let go before leaning over to kiss the same spot. 

You proceed to apologize in a high pitched voice, “Sowwy for hurting you, baby.”

“Okay, say it again but in a normal voice.” Toji replies, and you roll your eyes.

“I’m only apologizing with the baby voice. Take it or leave it.” You cross your arms, acting as if you have the upper hand in this situation.

“Leave it. I have enough with Megumi.” Toji responds, making you click your tongue.

“Are we picking up the little guy before going home?” You ask, and Toji hums in response. He almost forgot that his offspring is with your best friend for the night. 

“Yeah. He’ll kill me if we don’t.”

You hum along to the tune of one of your favorite songs as Toji drives back to Gojo’s place. You tried to joke around with Toji some more, but after the drive started, he stopped paying attention. He looks pensive, and you wonder if it’s the same thoughts that were affecting him earlier.

“Oh, look, it’s raining.” You point out as if Toji hadn’t turned on the windshield wipers. You just want Toji to say something, but he’s suddenly gone mute.

Toji’s thoughts are about Megumi. The little cockblocker is going to spoil his plan. Megumi has kept his mouth shut for a whole week after finding out the plan, Toji knows the little guy isn’t going to hold it for much longer. 

“Are you hot?” You ask as Toji lowers the air conditioning. He takes off his suit jacket at the red light, unable to contain the heat. It’s pretty cold out, but he’s acting a little odd tonight.

Before you know it, you’re outside of Satoru’s apartment complex. Your hand goes to the door handle, but before you open it, Toji speaks up, “Stay here. It’s raining.”

“I want to say hi to my little guy.” You say, but Toji shakes his head. He’ll refuse to let you out of the car.

“You’re sleeping over tonight anyway. I can’t protect both of you from the rain, and the last thing I need is you both being whiny babies because of a cold.” Toji responds, and you pout. Toji will let you figure out your own feelings while he goes to pick up Megumi. 

“Stupid Toji.” You mutter when the car door shuts. At least he’s doing this to keep you well, but you can’t help but think this has something to do with his weird behavior. You begin to mock him, “You’re sleeping over anyway. Dumbass.”

You begin to turn up the temperature, freezing with the air conditioning on. But you feel a twinge of remorse while you do it, knowing that he’s going to be hot when he gets to the car. You turn the air conditioning down again, opting to take his jacket instead. 

You put it on, and begin to feel his pockets. Maybe you’ll find some change… It’s not like Toji is going to notice a few coins missing. What’s his is yours, and what’s yours is yours. However the saying goes. A smirk comes to your lips when you feel something cold, “Bingo.”

“Huh?” Your expression quickly changes, your eyes becoming wide when you see that it’s not a coin. It’s something much more expensive. Something that answers everything. Why he took you to an expensive restaurant, why he was acting so weird, why he suddenly remembered your anniversary (though it hits you that it’s not the date, you assumed wrong).

You stare at it for what feels like forever. It looks like it’ll fit perfectly. You exit the car, not caring that it is drizzling out. You can withstand some water, what you can’t stand is sitting in the car alone with your own thoughts for another second. He’s coming out of the building, holding an umbrella over Megumi’s head. 

“What are you doing out?!” Toji yells when he sees you outside of the car, wearing his jacket. He frowns, until he sees you hold something up. He doesn’t have to squint to see what it is, and he begins to freak out immediately. “Snoopy! Why were you going through that?!”

“Megumi, get in the car.” Toji hands the umbrella to the child, a task that Megumi is happy to take over. Toji walks over to you, attempting to snatch the ring out of your hands.

“What is this?” You ask, and Toji refuses to answer, focusing on getting the ring from your hands but you begin to move around. You can’t help but giggle as you watch a very frustrated Toji try to take a ring from you. “You won’t get it back until you answer.”

“Then…” Toji restrains you, grabbing both of your wrists. It’s an awkward position, one arm over your head while you hold the other in front of you. “We won’t move.”

“So much for not getting me sick.” You mention, and you know that he fights back a smile. You look into his eyes, seeing the uncertainty that consumes them. Toji was hoping tonight he’d have the perfect proposal, and when he realized that everything was going south, he backed out. Your heart melts at the thought of your big intimidating boyfriend getting worried because of this. 

“Will you give it back?” He’s talking to you as if you were Megumi. 

“I do–” You begin. “I’ll hold that for the ceremony.”

“Huh?” Toji lets go of your wrists, and you proceed to place the ring in the palm of his hand. You kiss the tip of his nose before pressing your forehead against his. Toji laughs, relief washing over him. “I didn’t even ask the question.”

“What are you waiting for?” You ask, and Toji pulls away. 

He gets on one knee on the wet asphalt, holding the ring that nearly cost him his intestines, with the most genuine smile on his face. His eyes are brimming with love. He had a long sappy speech that he copied off the internet. Something overly romantic. Something disingenuous to his character.

“Will you marry me?” 

“Yes.” You nod excitedly, and Toji slips the ring on your finger before getting up from the ground and picking you up. He kisses you once. Then again. And again, and again. 

“Eugh!” You both hear that makes the kissing stop. Megumi is waiting for you two to finish to properly greet you– One thing you notice, the umbrella is gone.

Toji sighs. Great, everyone is going to be sick for at least a week.

At least he’s getting married soon.

[retireddaddyric]

“Lost time”

Synopsis: Retired Daniel and (y/n) have been friends for years and never acted on their attaction before this day at the beach.

Warnings: 18+, minors do not interact please. Smut, unprotected sex, delusional hints about daniel future, slight fluff. This is all fiction, I have no idea what is Daniel doing in the future (screams.).

Note: English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance if there are any errors.

I’m laying on the warm towel when Johanna and Loris, two new Daniel’s friends I met today, start gathering their belongings from the sand. The sun has gone away under the horizon gifting us with and incredible sunset just minutes ago.

“You guys are leaving?” I ask them.

“Yeah that party starts soon so we need to go get showered and dress up.” Johanna says referring to this party they’ve been invited to.

“You’re staying?” Loris asks hanging his backpack at his shoulder.

I look towards the sea shore where Daniel is chatting to two surfers.

“Yeah I’ll wait for Daniel, he’ll drop me home.” I smile politely at them. They look like nice people.

“Hey Lor, ya’ goin’?” Daniel’s voice echoes in the distance.

Loris rises a thumb up in the air and Daniel does the same.

After the couple has left I prop on my elbows and see Daniel waving at the surfers who are now leaving too. He is walking towards me. We’ve been friends for years now, apart from each other because of his career but still close.

Despite being retired for months now his abs are still rock hard, his muscles are all at their places, neck still thick. What’s new it’s this lazy longer than usual beard he sports and his curls that are longer.

I shouldn’t be checking out my friend like that, right?

I blush when I see him smiling at me behind his sunglasses, his wet swim trunks clinging to his thighs.

“Are you checking me out?”

“What? I am not! I’m just guessing if you’re still training.”

“What do you think?” He asks smirking while laying on his beach towel next to me, his fingers tracing patterns in the sand. He is on his stomach, his elbows keep his torso up while he watches me intently.

“I guess you do.” I smile. “And anyway it’s a pity you gave up on racing in general.. if you’re done with f1 it’s okay but.. what about other categories?”

I see him smile to himself while he keeps drawing in the sand.

“Who knows..” he says almost absently.

The purple and orange from the sky reflect on his sunglasses. I reach for them and took them off and. His brown eyes smile at me, a curl on his forehead.

“I’m happy tho.” He says and looks at the freckles on my cheeks.

“Are you?” I ask genuinely interested.

“Yeah I get to have more time with my friends now.” He says getting a little closer.

“You never were really out of the group.”

“Yeah but being with you like this was hard, we met like three or four times a year.” He admits.

“You didn’t miss me tho.” I tease him.

“I didn’t show it.” He winks while rubbing a finger on my arm so that it is now covered in sand.

We look at each other trying to suppress the smile on our faces.

“We should go..” i say looking around at the empty beach.

“Why?” He asks resting his cheek on his palm.

“We’re alone.” I say turning my head towards him again.

He nods and his eyes lower to my mouth. “And?”

I swallow and I look for his eyes. “And?”

“You could have left but you didn’t.” He says calm.

“yeah.. but we came together I thought it could have been rud-“

“That’s the safe answer.” He says laughing low.

“What are you implying?” I ask sitting up and blushing.

“Nothing.” He laughs. “Wanna come have a soak?”

“Now?”

“Now.”

“..yeah.”

He nods and I nod. But he doesn’t move. “Let’s go.. I guess?” I tell him.

He laughs. “You go first.”

I furrow my eyebrows. “What the..?”

“You go, I’ll follow.” He repeats.

“No you won’t, you’re gonna wait for me to get in the water and then run to your car and leave.” I laugh.

“Tempting idead, but I swear I won’t.” He laughs.

“I’m not moving.” I tell him looking at the sea.

I hear his eyes on me and then he stands up letting out a deep breath. And that’s when I notice it. He adjusts his erection very pronounced from his swim trunks.

“Don’t look at it like that, that’s the reason I wanted you to go in first.” He says smiling proudly.

My jaw is still hanging when he pulls me up and on his shoulder and carries me to the water.

“You have a hard-on.” I tell him while i watch his heels march in the sand.

“You have eyes I see.” He says over his shoulder.

I gasp and we’re both underwater. When I resurface I look around and then see his head get out next to me. He smiles while he brings a hand in his wet curls to flip them backwards.

“You stayed because you wanted a ride back home right?” He asks. The water is calm around us, the birds in the distance the only noise.

I nod.

He nods. “It doesn’t have to do with the fact that you seemed upset when you realized I asked you to come to the beach with me and we weren’t alone right? That Loris and Johanna were here too.” He smirks.

“What? No.” I feel my cheeks burn.

He swims slowly towards me. “(Y/n)?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t lie.”

I put my mouth under the surface to hide the laugh. He laughs.

“You wanted to be alone with me?”

I don’t answer.

“You wanted to be alone with me.” He smirks.

“Come closer.” He whispers, a salty droplet falling from his lips.

I look at him and i do what he asks.

He smirks. “Can I try something?”

“Yeah.”

He laughs “you didn’t even ask me what.”

“Dan-“

His mouth is against mine, eating me whole, soul and lips and tongue. This is the kiss I knew models around the world had been getting while he sent me goodnight messages.

I entwine my fingers in his hair and he leans to me even more, his hands grabbing my thighs and parting them to get between them.

His mouth descenda on my chin and on my throat. I moan low, he breathes heavily.

“Fucking hell how I wish I could have done this earlier.” He groans. I feel his hard cock pressing on my bikini bottom. I thow my head back, my hair in the water.

His hands push on my hips creating a delicious friction between our achinng parts.

“Tell me you want it.”

“Dani-“

“Tell me you dreamt about this.”

“What do y-“

“Just say yes.”

“People might-“

“Say yes.”

“Yes.”

And that’s the last word we exchange. He spins me around and his hands are at my sides, lowering my bikini bottom. Then with one hand he frees his cock and with the other he grabs my shoulder pushing it low so I’m arched forward.

I feel the head of his hardness sliding between my pussy lips. I close my eyes and my eyebrows shoot up in awe when it brushes against my clit.

“Fuck, you look like you wanted it more than I did.” He whispers into my ear hotly, smirking.

I bite my bottom lip smiling. He doesn’t know how much this is the truth.

“Arch a little more, baby.” He asks.

I do as he says and he’s inside with a swift move. I gasp, his hand at my shoulder tightens. I feel his dick twitch inside.

“You okay?” He whispers breathy. I nod.

His forehead rests against my back and his hands grab my hips. He slowly starts to move and I open my eyes. I turn my head and he’s looking at me, his lips parted, his eyes in ecstasy.

“You sure it doesn’t hurt? You’re thight damn.” He asks softly and husky.

I shake my head and he kisses me again, still moving, one of his hand reaching my boob and squeezing it.

I let out a shaky moan and he groans. “That was hot, please do it again.”

He makes a particular hard thrust and I moan again.

“Holy fuck!” He whispers and the hand that was on my hip is now between my legs. He plays with my clit while he keeps thrusting in from behind.

“You’re close aren’t you?” He whispers.

I nod. “Don’t stop, please.” I beg breathy.

“Sh, sh, I won’t.”

His hands are both at my waist as he keeps me in place and fucks me like a mad man.

“If it hurts just tell me.” He breathes fast while he slides in and out of me in fast moves.

And that’s when I shudder and the orgasm hits me. I come squeezing my thighs together, caging his cock in in the motion, my hands gripping his hands at my waist so tight i’m hurting us both.

And he comes soon after, biting my shoulder and groaning against it. Two thrusts later he’s panting while stilling and i am shaking.

When he slips out i imemdiately pull my bikini bottom up to its place, my chest still heavy with breaths.

His hands grab my cheeks and he forces me to meet his eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asks concerned, softly.

“Yeah.” I blush. “It’s dark we should go back home.” I say awkwardly, trying not to make my mind wander to what does this meant to him.

He shakes his head and kisses me. I kiss him back, my heart thunders.

“You’re coming home with me.” He whispers.

“Why?” I look into his eyes, my hopeful heart trembling excuted.

“We lost too much time already.” He says smiling softly.

“You were racing.” I say caressing his wet hair.

“And I will again.” He says smiling.

“You will?” I ask shocked, my eyes wide.

“Are you a jurnalist?” He giggles while touching my cheekbone.

“Daniel you will race again?” I ask excited.

“Yeah. Only.. this time you’ll be with me.” He smiles broadly.

[no-144444]

꩜summary: this is new... a different kind of new

꩜pairing: lewis hamilton x fem! reader

Lewis’s life was fast-paced, his heart was closed until further notice, and he didn’t really care for entertaining people he’d just end up hurting. That’s what he thought, anyway. 

Ferrari offered him a lot of new things. A new teammate. A totally different team dynamic. A totally different experience. Not always good, but always new. That’s what he’d been lacking in Mercedes. He needed another chance, just one last chance at a championship, and Ferrari was meant to give him that. 

It wasn’t meant to give him this. These… uncontrollable feelings. For you. His fucking press officer. You stood there all day, phone in hand, recording what he said to the media, going through press plans with him, but somewhere between the announcement in January 2024, and Monaco 2025, he’d stopped looking at you like another cog in the Ferrari machine that made his life easier, you were the sweet girl he spoke to all day. You talked him through all of his frustrations, helped him with media appearances. You made cringey jokes about things he liked. You made jokes about him and Nico. you made him talk to Nico. You gave him advice. You hugged him after a race, the good and the bad. You didn’t push too far, not that it was even possible for you to do that. He didn’t care what you did, once it was with him. He asked you out back in July, he was shocked he’d waited that long. You shot him down immediately, terrified of losing your job. He went straight to Fred and got his (reluctant) blessing, and you agreed to one date. One date became two. Two became four. Four became a boyfriend you hadn’t planned to get. 

“Busy tonight?” he asked as you walked through the Ferrari motorhome beside each other. You hated when he openly flirted with you, specifically on race days, because eyes were usually on him. You felt the stares from the others in the press team. Half of them were your friends, and they supported you and Lewis, saying you two were perfect for each other. The other half were a bit more traditional, they liked to believe the whole ‘drivers are untouchable unless you’re a model’ rule, and you weren’t a model. Not that you weren’t gorgeous, they just believed you had no right being with him, mostly out of jealousy. You pretended it didn’t bother you. He reminded you it shouldn’t.

“Flying home,” you answered casually. “My mom wants to see me before Barcelona,” you admitted. “You?”

“Flying with you,” he shrugged. You hit his arm. He chuckled. 

“Lewis, you are trying to give us away!” you gritted out. “Shut the fuck up. And also, no. You’re not meeting my family yet.”

He pretended that didn’t bruise his ego. “Why not?” he chuckled as you pushed him into his driver’s room, that adorable scowl on your face. “Come on! We’ve been together for-” you covered his mouth with your hand. 

“Do you have to scream, Lewis?” you scoffed, unimpressed. He smirked against your hand. “And I haven’t properly prepared you to meet my family, so no.” 

“I don’t need to be prepared,” he spoke, gently pulling your hand off his mouth and pressing a kiss to your palm. “I love you, I’m sure I’ll love them too.”

You rolled your eyes, mumbling something to yourself as you crossed your arms. 

“What was that?’ he challenged, wrapping his arms around your waist. 

“Nothing,” you fake smiled. 

“Uh-huh,” he nodded teasingly. “Come on,” he pressed a soft kiss to your neck. “I love you,” another kiss. “I want to meet them,” another kiss. “You’ve met my parents-”

“I met your dad, by accident, and almost cried! I was so stressed,” you reminded him, your arms curling around his neck. His hands travelled lower, squeezing your ass, as you squealed against him. He really appreciated the Ferrari-mandated skirts. Like, really appreciated them. “Lewis, come on, be serious.”

“I am serious,” he pulled back, looking at you. “I’m serious about meeting your parents, and I’m serious about you. You understand that, don’t you?”

You rolled your eyes, avoiding eye contact. “Lewis, come on. I’m your press officer. This is a fling. A lovely fling, but a fling. It’s not like I'm expecting a ring out of this,” you shrugged, like you didn’t believe him. 

“Baby,” his voice was low, almost annoyed. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Lewis,” you smiled. “But I know a press officer and an F1 driver don’t end up together, I’m not stupid-”

He groaned, and kissed you. It was one of those perfect, Lewis kisses you’d gotten so used to in recent months. He kissed you like he hadn’t drank water in days, and you were his oasis. Like you were everything he needed. Like he didn’t want it to end. He pulled back, holding your face. “How did that feel?” he asked, irritation creeping into his tone. “Fake?” 

“Lewis, I didn’t mean to upset you-”

He pulled back completely, pacing his own room. He had no idea why this made him so crazy. Well, actually, yeah, he did. It was because he had never felt like this for anyone. This intoxicating, ridiculous love that consumed his very being. That unconditional support you gave him, anticipating what he needed after races or bad days. It had him thinking about you all the time. Wanting you near him all the time. Wishing for nothing more than to be able to kiss you after a race at the barricade, like all the other drivers could. Though, that last one wasn’t going to happen, considering in the HR contract you guys signed, you could lose your job if you went public (which pissed him off to no end). “I adore you,” he stared at you with pleading eyes. “I want you, for life. I’m not going to propose right now, but I love you. And I mean that. I love you.”

“I love you too,” you smiled, pulling him into you, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. “I know you love me. It’s just… hard to block out the noise sometimes,” you admitted. 

“Please block it out,” he smiled softly. “I’ll help.” 

“You’re too good to me-”

And he kissed you again. You knew love. He knew love.

navigation for my blog :)

ferrari masterlist

so close to what masterlist

pop queens mixtape

[kinardsevan]

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲, 𝐢'𝐦 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮

i don't know that i'm satisfied with how this ends, but the stills got me thinking more about the idea of Maddie being the one who tells Buck that he needs to call Tommy, and then I was already working on a coffee date recreation, so have this:

-

Maddie looks at the loaves of bread spread out on the counter and then back up at her brother, tilting her head to the side. 

“Evan. I thought you said you were doing okay,” she states, leaning up at against the counter next to her husband. 

“I am,” he insists. 

“So why are there four loaves of bread on the counter,” Chimney asks, confused. “That seems like you’re overloading your schedule to occupy your time.” 

“I’m not,” Evan counters, looking back and forth between them. They both stare back at him skeptically. 

“Dude, come on,” Chimney insists. “I know that sweater you had on the other night was one of Tommy’s. Between that, the lack of shaving, and now the abundance of food-..”

“I’m dealing,” Evan insists. Maddie sighs, looking over at her husband. He raises his hands and picks up his wine glass before glancing between them. 

“I’m gonna go see what’s on the sports channel,” he states before walking out of the room and into the living room. Maddie moves closer to Evan, rounding the counter. 

“I’m fine,” he repeats, but when Maddie looks up at him with that face—the one that tells him she isn’t buying the shit he’s selling—he sighs and shakes is head. “I mean I should be, shouldn’t I? It’s not like we were together that long.” 

“Six months,” Maddie states. 

Evan nods. “Yeah, and? I mean I was with Taylor for longer. She actually moved in here.” 

Maddie stares at him for a moment and then furrows her brow at him. “Wait, what is that supposed to mean?” 

“Nothing,” Evan insists. “It doesn’t mean anything when Tommy doesn’t think I’d stay with him anyway.” 

“No, no, it clearly means something,” Maddie counters. “I’m not letting you drop it that easily. Talk to me. Tell me what actually happened.” 

Evan huffs, leaning against the counter. 

“We were talking about Abby, and I was telling him how that relationship had been transformative for me, at least until I met him, a-and then I told him that I wanted him to move in with me.” 

“Okay,” Maddie replies, processing his words. “And you told him you love him, right?” 

Evan stares at her as though she’s gone Blue Screen on him and she bobs her head forward, gaping at him slightly. 

“Evan.” She comments. “You told him how you feel, right?” 

“I- I thought- I mean we-..” 

“Okay, I’m sorry, I can’t fake that I’m not paying attention this long,” Chimney states as he crosses back into the kitchen. “You asked Tommy to move in with you without telling him how you feel about him?” 

“I told him I admire him,” Evan argues. 

Maddie inhales a deep breath and shakes her head, trying to remain composed as she returns to Chimney’s side. “What exactly did you say to him?” 

Evan gulps, but then proceeds to explain to both Maddie and Chimney was he said, trying his best not to paraphrase. By the time he’s finished, Maddie and Chimney are looking at each other, both of their jaws slack. 

After a moment, Chimney turns back toward his glass of wine and picks it up and takes a long sip from it. 

“Yeah, I think I might’ve broken up with you too,” Chimney states when he sets the glass back down. 

“What the hell,” Evan counters, waving a hand out at him. 

“Look, Buck, you ran over him like the proverbial steam roller. And I’m sorry, but from the way it sounds, it comes across as being told that you want to live with him because he’s great at being gay and that makes you feel good,” Maddie explains. 

“Not to mention the Brandon of it all,” Chimney mutters, lifting his drink to take another sip. He raises an eyebrow when both Buckley siblings turn toward him. 

“The who?” “Huh?” 

Chimney takes a deep breath, mouthing an ‘oh’ before setting his glass back down. “This is why I’m not allowed to know things,” he mutters. He shakes his head. “Brandon was this kid Tommy dated around the time he was leaving the 118.” 

“I thought he wasn’t out yet,” Evan interjects. 

“He wasn’t,” Chimney answers with a nod. “But Brandon was this kid out of another house, one of the ones Tommy had looked at transferring to, I think. Anyway, you could tell after Gerrard and Sal were gone that he was loosening up and becoming more comfortable with himself, and even though he wasn’t quite there yet, he was getting there.” 

“So?” Evan asks. 

“So, three months into it, he tells me over beers that the guy wants to move in together, make all these plans for the future, is talking about buying a house. The whole nine yards. But Brandon was just coming out of a divorce, with a woman. Sold Tommy the moon, and T went for it. Gave up the place he was in, moved in with this guy into his apartment that he also was sharing with his two kids part-time.” 

Evan gulps, because he can see the writing on the wall. 

“See, Brandon hadn’t been with other men before. And they lasted about three months longer before Tommy found out that he was seeing other people. He alternated between mine and Sal’s couch for a month after that until he got the place he’s in now.” 

“He was in love with him,” Evan surmises in a rasp. 

“He thought he’d found the person he was supposed to be with,” Chimney says with a nod. “And when I tell you it took him years to get over that-..” 

“Fuck,” Evan mutters under his breath, leaning more against the island. 

Maddie waits a moment, glancing back and forth between her brother and her husband before she finally speaks up again. 

“So to be clear, I understand why Tommy panicked and took off, but why would you skip over actually telling him how you feel,” she asks. “I mean you have to get that that’s important. It probably would’ve made a massive difference in the conversation.” 

Evan inhales a deep breath and shakes his head, looking down at the counter. 

“Oh,” Maddie states. “You’re scared too.” 

He looks back up at her, his expression somber. “I mean people leave me. A-and that’s exactly what he did.” 

“Buck,” she coaxes, rounding the counter again. She runs her hand up his back as her other hand curls around the inside of his bicep. “You can’t be mad at him for being scared if you can’t also be honest about how you’re feeling.” 

He glances up at her, and his eyes are so sad that it makes her want to go into her mothering role and order him to call Tommy. 

“What if he won’t listen to me,” he rasps. She leans against his shoulder and gives him a sympathetic look. 

“I mean, I’ve never heard you even mention wanting to marry someone else,” she replies softly. “That’s gotta be worth something, right?” 

Evan stares down at the counter again. 

“You should call him,” Chimney interjects, when they look back up at him, he’s taking another sip of his wine. Maddie just chuckles at him before squeezing Evan’s arm and nodding. She leans up and kisses his cheek. 

“Call him.” 

. . . 

Evan pulls his jacket tighter around his body as he settles into the cafe chair. He’s not entirely sure Tommy will show, even though the other man had texted he would. He can’t help but feel the weight that’s been making it’s home in his chest just a little heavier right now. A week ago, they were celebrating six months from that first kiss, and somehow he’s finding himself sitting at a different café, but still, six months from the day that he’d asked Tommy to be his date to his sister’s wedding. 

So much is different now, though. He didn’t have to guess Tommy’s coffee order because he knows it by heart. There’s a box in his car filled with belongings that he really doesn’t want to give back, but if this discussion doesn’t go in the right direction, that’s exactly what’s going to happen. 

Still, he can’t stop thinking about the guy on the crane from the day before, and how after they’d gotten him off to the hospital, all Evan could think about was how his people had banded around him in the aftermath. His team had kept him alive, and then they’d remained vigilant at his side while he healed. He’d had people show up in his corner every step of the way. It’s not lost on him now that Tommy has faced a life primarily without that same feeling, and that unlike him, Tommy didn’t find a forged family at work. Plus, then there’s the information he learned about the ex-boyfriend, and all of it has him seeing Tommy in an entirely different lens. 

“Hey.” Tommy’s voice is raspier, sadder than the last time he heard it as he comes around the corner of the building. Evan still perks up at the sight of him, although he’s more subdued than the last time they met up like this. 

“Hey,” he replies softly, gesturing toward the chair across from him. “Thanks for agreeing to meet me.” 

Tommy nods, and there’s a rush of pain in Evan’s chest at the lack of of course. 

“I got you a coffee,” he adds, gesturing towards it on the table. Tommy pulls his chair out and sits down. 

“Thanks,” he says, though there’s no mirth in his tone like there was that first time.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think,” Evan states nervously as Tommy takes a sip of the drink. There’s the slightest twitch around his mouth—one the younger man has come to recognize as Tommy thinking that it tastes right. He’s very particular on his flavor and cream-to-sugar ratio, so knowing he’s still getting right gives Evan a flush of pride. “The last time we met like this, I said there was a lot of that we didn’t know about each other.” 

“Practically everything,” Tommy parrots so softly, it barely has any vocal tone in it. Evan nods. 

“Except, I do know things about you now,” Evan counters. “I know- I know that you don’t like to be awake before seven AM if you’re not on shift. I know that you think the perfect setting for the thermostat is always sixty-six, no matter what time of year it is. I know that you take three creamers and the tiniest dash of cinnamon in your coffee.” 

“Buck-..” 

“Let me finish,” Evan counters, cringing at the way that name sounds coming out of Tommy’s mouth. He takes a deep breath and looks around them before continuing. “I know your mom died when you were six, and your dad blamed you for it. I know you spent the next eleven years trying to do anything you could to keep him appeased and a target off your back, including stuffing down who you are so far down that it took you over a decade to crawl back out of that toxic mindset. And I know that all of that left you with scars, even though you don’t talk about them. I know-…I know that you would rather run because it’s easier to protect yourself than sign up for the possibility of getting hurt again.” Evan pauses and gulps as Tommy stares at him, looking very uncomfortable. 

“So I need to apologize,” he says with a breath. 

Tommy furrows his brow at him, baffled by the statement. “You have nothing to apologize for.” 

“Yes, Tommy, I do,” Evan counters, this time more insistent than he had been on that first coffee date.“I  threw a lot at you that night. I- I know that I told you I wanted to move in together, and that I was talking about a future without any practicality behind it because I just lept with both feet like I always do.” 

“I didn’t call things off because of your impulsivity,” Tommy counters. “I did it because-..” 

“Because you’ve been down that road before,” Evan finishes for him. “And it ended badly. I know that about you, too. And, the way I sounded that night…it wasn’t what I should’ve said.” 

“Okay?” Tommy acquiesces. 

Evan takes another breath and leans forward in his seat, gesturing at the space between them. “You said that when I asked you to move in with me, that I was still figuring myself out, and that everything was still new and exciting for me. And the thing is, you’re right, and you’re wrong. You’re right that things are new and exciting, but not because they’re with a man; it’s because they’re with you. And six months ago when I told you that I didn’t know what I was ready for, that was true, but now I do. It’s not about being ready for something different, Tommy, it’s about being ready for something different with you. S-so when I say I lept with both feet the other night without thinking, I missed a step in there.” 

Tommy stares at him apprehensively, giving him the space to continue. Evan sits up a little straighter. 

“I got so caught up in the process of commenting on the ways things have changed and all that you’ve done to get yourself to where you are now that I never stopped to consider how it would sound coming out of my mouth. A-and part of that was because I thought if I just convinced you to stay with me, maybe it wouldn’t hurt as bad if you decided that I was too much.” 

Tommy leans back in his seat, eyes widening slightly at Evan’s words. 

“I um, I know about Brandon,” he states. “And on the subject of exes, I never told you about Taylor, or how Lucy played into of how things ended with her.” He inhales a breath and then proceeds to explain Lucy’s time at the 118, their shared kiss, and how he’d been living with Taylor at the time. “And the thing is, when I moved in with her and told her I loved her, it was from a selfish place, o-of wanting to keep her around because people just kept leaving, and I couldn’t stand to lose anyone else.” 

Tommy lets out a soft sigh and leans forward. “Evan.” 

Evan shakes his head. “No. Don’t- it’s not- I’m not saying all of that because I’m chasing after you to keep you from leaving. I- I mean I am, but not like that. I mean to say that, I trapped Taylor, however unintentionally, with the idea that if she was with me, that I could make it work. Eventually, it got to the point where I couldn’t keep trying to make the pieces fit, and we split up.” 

Tommy nods. 

“But this isn’t that,” Evan continues. “This has never been that. I asked you to move in with me because I want to be with you day and night. B-because I see a future with you, and because nothing has ever felt as right as this has felt. And I understand that maybe- no, it was moving too fast. And that I skipped right over the part where I should’ve told you that I want to be with you not because it feels good or because I think you being gay makes me better at being bisexual, or anything like that. I want to be with you because I’m in love with you.” 

Tommy takes a deep breath at his statement. 

“I don’t expect you to say it back if you’re not there, a-and I don’t expect you to move in with me. That was an impulsive decision. But I’m not in a place where I’m ready to give up on this,” he states. “I love you enough that I’m willing to go at your pace this time.” 

Tommy stares at him for a beat, quiet and contemplative. “Are you sure about this?” 

“Am I sure that I love you?” Evan counters. “That I’m pretty positive on.” 

The response forces a small smile onto Tommy’s face. After a breath, he gives a small nod. 

“Okay.” 

“Yeah?” Evan asks him. 

Tommy gulps and nods. “Yeah,” he rasps. “Because I love you, too.” 

Evan grins at him, at this time, it’s Tommy who reaches across the table and grabs his hand, squeezing it. 

[dissociativewriter]

I feel like it’d be fun for the reader to have taken 4 years of Spanish or whatever language and just not mention it. Then one day randomly, they just mutter something like “Ayúdame…” under their breath and the LADS are like ??? You know Spanish????? Maybe after that, they call him cute names like “Mi amor” “Mi luz” “Mi vida” etc

okay this is such a cute idea so I’m gonna do headcanons for this! I’m gonna mix up the languages so it’s not the same thing five times, so I’ll have Spanish, French, and Italian! 🫶 (i had to check with google translate on every one of these cause i was like wait am i saying this right?? i hope the spanish is okay because i took french in high school lol)

cw: italian cuss word, other than that its fluffy although maybe a little suggestive with sylus

request event

Xavier

❀ You’ve been on this level for hours. It’s killing you. It should not be this hard, you know, and you shouldn’t care this much, but if you could just beat this level!

❀ Xavier watched your frustration, trying to figure out if he should offer his help or if it would just make things worse. He winced with you as the Game Over screen appeared again, almost missing your mutterings.

❀ “Ayúdame…” you whispered under your breath, frustration nearly bubbling over. Xavier froze, sitting next to you with wide eyes. “…Yes?” “You know another language?” he tilted his head. “Yeah I took four years of Spanish.”

❀ He’s signing up for Spanish lessons so fast. In the meantime, he’s asking you to speak Spanish to him sometimes. He says it helps him fall asleep. “Your voice is very soothing, especially when it’s another language.” You don’t really get it, but you’ll do it anyway. “Buenas noches, mi cielo,” you whisper, kissing his forehead as his eyes flutter shut.

Zayne

❀ The deadline for that assignment you’d forgotten was fast approaching. You were sat next to Zayne, furiously typing to finish it up while he went through patient reports. It was silent, mostly, save for the occasional comment here and there.

❀ You finally finished, quickly opening up the drop box so you could submit and be done with it. Of course, though, as you entered the file, a message appeared, in big bold letters. ERROR.

❀ “Pourquoi?!” you groaned, falling forward against your computer. Zayne’s fingers stilled over the keyboard. He looked up at you, adjusting his glasses. “You know French?” You sat back up, meeting his gaze. “Yeah, I took it in high school.” Zayne let out a satisfied hum. “I took some French classes in college.”

❀ Zayne was never one for grand gestures, so he showed his love in smaller ways. One of his favorites seemed to be quiet utterances in French that showed his care. “Est-ce que tu vas bien, mon amour?” “Veins te voucher, ma chérie.”

Rafayel

❀ It was another one of Rafayel’s art exhibits. You were so proud of him and the paintings were beautiful, but the people were so annoying. Dozens of upper class citizens pretending to know something about art, all while mostly ignoring Rafayel’s own explanations of the pieces. You were wondering just how fast you could get out if you faked a medical emergency when you heard someone muttering about how Rafayel was actually talentless, anyone could throw paint on a canvas and this was all meaningless slop.

❀ This is not something you’re just going to let slide. “You have something to say about my boyfriend?” you asked, walking over to them. Recognizing you immediately, they quickly changed their tune. “We were just talking about the genius behind this piece!” one of the men said frantically. “Leccaculo…” you muttered, turning away.

❀ “Why didn’t you tell me you knew another language?” Rafayel pouted. “I didn’t think it was important…” “I guess I’ll forgive you since you defended me like a good bodyguard. But now I want to learn, too.” You don’t know another day of peace after Rafayel finds out you know Italian. Everywhere you go, “what’s that in Italian?” “Un tavolo.” You deadpan. “What would you call me?” “Mostriciattolo.” You didn’t hear the end of that one.

❀ It’s alright, though. You can handle all his enthusiasm when it ended in quiet moments like this. Cradling his face in your hands, caring for and observing it like a delicate marble statue, whispering “amore mio bellissimo” as his tensions ease under your caring gaze.

Sylus

❀ You really needed to stop inviting Sylus over to your place. That six foot something man was a walking hazard in your home made for normal sized people. Between moving all your things higher on the shelf than you could reach and knocking into your cabinets so much that paint was beginning to wear off, you had had enough.

❀ Now, you couldn’t find your wallet. When you asked Sylus, he just shrugged, a wolfish grin on his lips. “I did clean up, sweetie, but I’m not sure where I put it. Why don’t you use my card instead?” This was definitely a plot he’d set up. You were steadfast on using your own money this time, so you searched your apartment.

❀ You did find it. On the top shelf. Out of your reach. “Tu te fous de moi?” you cried. Peeking his head in, Sylus raised an eyebrow. “Tu parles français?” Your head snapped to meet his gaze, your annoyance evident. “Did you do this?” you demanded. Chuckling, he took a few steps towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. “Just use my wallet, mon ange.” You kept silent as you felt your face heat up. Maybe the endearments could stay, even if you were mad.

❀ You eventually had to stop with the nicknames in other languages because every time you would say something cute in French, Sylus would respond with an endearment in a language you’d never heard and it was doing things to you. (He still weaponizes it, despite your protests)

Caleb

❀ The day had been a long one. You were practically on autopilot the moment you stepped through Caleb’s door, kicking off your shoes and tossing your bag on his couch.

❀ He took care of you, of course, like he always did. Cooking your dinner and holding you close as a movie played in the background. He watched as you lost focus on the movie, eyes closed more often than open now. Wrapping the blanket tighter around you, he whispered a quiet, “Goodnight, pip-squeak,” not expecting much of a response.

❀ In your half-consciousness, you muttered back an affectionate “Duerme bien, mi amor,” before promptly falling asleep.

❀ He stared at you with wide eyes, wondering just when his pip-squeak learned another language and he didn’t know about it. For now, Caleb lets you sleep. But when you wake up in the morning, you’re bombarded with questions. “When did you learn Spanish?” “Can ya teach me, pips?” “Does pip-squeak translate into Spanish or do I have to find you a new nickname?”

comments and reblogs appreciated and asks open! <3

masterlist

[aphroditsdaughter]

GUILTY AS SIN

what if she’s written “mine” on my upper thigh but not only in my mind

paige bueckers x OC

pretty heavy stuff don’t read if you’re under 18 or do im not responsible for your media consumption (all the photos and graphics are from pinterest and belong to their original creators)

also a huge congrats to the uconn huskies for bringing the 12th one back home!!

Truth is, this was never meant to happen. She was never meant to happen. The plan was simple, go to college, earn a degree you weren’t even sure you loved, find a nice husband along the way, and settle down by 26. A life laid out in careful steps, a future stitched together by your mother’s thread and needle.

But Paige Bueckers, point guard for The Dallas Wings, was never part of the blueprint.

And yet, here she is. Half-draped across your body, skin warm against yours, fingers tracing absentminded patterns on your arm. Her breath is soft against your neck, whispering promises that feel like lullabies, like confessions, like something dangerously close to forever.

And you, caught between the life you planned and the one unfolding right in front of you, don’t know whether to hold on or let go.

“Promise me you’ll leave him,” I whisper, my lips trailing down the curve of her jaw, grazing the delicate skin beneath her ear, descending toward the hollow of her collarbone where her breath stutters.

Silence.

“Promise me, Pia,” I say again, the words trembling between desperation and demand.

Her breath catches. Then, finally, through a shiver that sounds like surrender, she whispers,“I promise.” Her voice is a threadbare thing, trembling and unconvincing, but it pulls me in anyway.

I rise to meet her gaze, searching for truth in the depths of her eyes. They’re are glassy, deep pools of something I can’t quite name. Longing? Guilt? Deception? I don’t know, But the truth hides from me. I want to believe her God, I want to believe her. That this time, she’ll choose not just me, but herself. That this time, she’ll finally break free.

“What?”

“Tomorrow morning. You’ll leave him,” I say. The words come out firmer than I intended, more demand than plea.

No question in it. just a quiet ultimatum.

Her expression flickers, something unreadable passing over her face. And then silence again.

She starting at me now her eyes narrowing like I’m the one who’s lost my mind, like I’m the one slipping. Maybe I am.

“I will,” she says, and pulls me back into her mouth like a drowning woman clutching air.

Her lips are feverish against mine, igniting something reckless and raw in me. I know she’s lying. Of course she’s lying. But I’m too far gone, too tangled in her spell to care. I hate how easily I fall for her again and again, crawling back to her like a dog who doesn’t know better.

She’s unbuttoning my shirt now, her fingers deliberate and maddeningly slow. Her lips travel downward, planting delicate, burning kisses along my stomach, her touch a fire that consumes me.

I’m kissing her abs slow, reverent, like each press of my lips might absolve me. But it doesn’t. The knot tightens in my stomach, familiar and bitter, like a warning I’ve learned to ignore. That sick ache of knowing I can’t leave him. Not now. Not ever.

What am I doing?

Another empty promise slips from my mouth, like all the others. I said the same thing four years ago. Then again two years later. Each time with the same trembling voice. Each time with the same lie. And still, she takes me back.

Now she’s watching me, eyes wide open, seeing through every brittle mask I wear. She knows I’m full of shit. But she stays anyway. God, why does she always stay?

I move up, my lips tracing a path along her ribs, then her chest, until I’m hovering above her, so close to kissing her again. But something guilt or clarity or fear stops me. My body stills. My breath catches.

I shouldn’t do this.

I’m a married woman. I’ve made vows, signed papers, built a life with another. What am I doing here, on top of her, heart pounding like I’m nineteen and reckless again?

“Stop thinking about him,” Paige says, her voice soft, firm, desperate.

“I’m right here. Just stop. Please, let go, Pia.”

Let go.

I shouldn’t.

But I do.

My forehead falls against hers. Her hands cradle my face like I’m something fragile, worth protecting. Her thumb brushes my cheek slow, loving and then she leans back just enough to look me in the eyes.

“It’s just me and you,” she whispers. “Tomorrow he’ll be gone. And it’s gonna be me and you. Forever.”

But it’s not going to be. Not really.

Because I’m a liar.

Because I’m a coward.

Because I’m a horrible person wearing a woman’s skin.

But I don’t say any of that.

Her lips are soft, but the kiss is anything but gentle. It’s hungry. Urgent. Like we’re trying to consume the years we lost the years I wasted. She pulls me down onto her, fingers already tangled in the hem of my shirt. She lifts it, peeling it over my head like she’s done a hundred times before, like second nature.

"You feel so fucking good," she murmurs, breath hot against my neck as she kisses the curve where it meets my shoulder. Her hands are everywhere my waist, my hips, my back—like she’s afraid I’ll disappear again.

Her lips press against my skin, and I can feel the weight of her presence, possessive and commanding. She sits up, straddling my waist, her body flushed and glowing in the low light. Her hair is a mess, her lips swollen, eyes heavy with want. She looks like sin and salvation all at once, and I can’t look away.

Her hands roam over me, tracing the curve of my body with deliberate slowness, like she’s trying to memorize every inch of me, like I might vanish if she doesn’t hold me tight enough.

Her eyes glimmer dark, knowing, like she can see all my secrets, like she knows exactly what she wants. And right now, that’s me.

"Tell me. Does he know what to do with you? Does he know what makes you feel good?" she whispers, her voice a velvet threat.

I can’t lie to her. I can’t look away from those eyes, burning with jealousy and lust, wanting me in a way I haven’t seen in years. Her touch is electric, a sharp contrast to the dull, distant touch of him.

"Not like you," I breathe, the words slipping out before I can stop them.

And then, without warning, she flips me onto my back effortlessly, her hands sliding down my sides as she pins me beneath her. There’s something in the way she looks at me possessive, confident. I can see the hunger, but also the satisfaction. She’s always wanted this control power, and me, completely at her mercy.

"You always were such a fucking tease," she murmurs, her lips curling into a smirk as she hovers above me. "I've been waiting for this, you know. For you to finally get out of your head long enough to give in."

I bite my lip, the tension thick between us, and my heart races with anticipation. Paige isn’t gentle—she never has been. And that’s exactly why I’ve never been able to walk away. She knows me too well. She knows how to make me lose myself.

She leans down, pressing a kiss to the hollow of my throat, then another lower, over my collarbone. Her teeth graze my skin, biting down just hard enough to leave a mark. reminding me who really owns me. I gasp, hands reaching for her, but she swats them away, pinning them to the bed with one strong hand.

"No, no touching," she commands, her voice thick with authority. "Not unless I say so."

I moan softly in protest, but it’s more out of frustration than anything. I want to touch her. I want to feel the heat of her skin beneath my fingertips, but she’s not giving me that. Not yet.

"Shh, just relax," she coos, her breath hot against my ear. "Let me take care of you. Let me make you feel good like he never has."

She moves lower, her body following the curve of mine as her tongue flicks out, warm and slow, trailing kisses across my chest. When her lips wrap around my nipple, I gasp—a sharp, involuntary sound that makes her hum against me.

Her fingers slide down my stomach, so slow, so deliberate that I’m practically aching from the anticipation. She looks up at me, eyes gleaming, a cocky smirk tugging at her lips.

"I’m gonna make you scream my name, Pia," she says, her voice low, daring. "And you’re gonna love it."

I shiver, my pulse quickening as she slides down further, her hands brushing against my thighs, her lips leaving a trail of fire behind them. I’m helpless beneath her, body already responding to her every movement. When she finally reaches between my legs, she doesn’t hesitate. She slips two fingers inside me, pushing in with smooth, relentless precision.

"Paige..." I gasp, a sharp cry escaping my lips.

Paige doesn’t waste any time. She starts to move her fingers in and out of me, deep and slow at first, letting the pleasure build. My hips instinctively lift to meet her, but she pulls back, her grip on my waist tightening to hold me still.

"Not so fast," she warns, her tone mocking, filled with dark satisfaction. "Remember how long you left me hanging?"

I whimper, my body aching for more, but she just smirks, knowing exactly how to torture me. She continues her slow pace, fingers curling inside me, hitting that spot that makes my whole body tremble. The pleasure starts to build, but she’s taking her sweet time, pushing me to the edge but not letting me fall.

She chuckles darkly, her thumb circling my clit with a wickedly slow, teasing rhythm.

"Please what?" she taunts, her voice dripping with satisfaction. "Tell me what you want, Pia."

"Faster," I beg, my voice breathless, desperate. "I need you to... oh god, please—"

"Need me to what?" she presses, her fingers quickening now, but not enough to let me unravel just yet. "Use your words, baby."

"Please..." I beg again, my voice a whisper, desperate and needy. "Paige, please, faster."

"Make me come, Paige. Please..." My plea breaks in half, the words coming out in a fractured rush.

Her eyes lock onto mine, her smirk never fading. "That’s my girl."

My girl

Her pace quickens, fingers thrusting deeper, her thumb never ceasing its rhythm on my clit. She’s relentless, her pace unyielding, pushing me closer to the edge with every stroke. I can't hold back anymore. My back arches off the bed, and my body trembles violently as the orgasm hits me hard. Waves of pleasure crash over me, pulling the air from my lungs and making me gasp.

"Fuck!" I cry out, my hands gripping the sheets, knuckles white. "Paige..."

She doesn’t stop. Even as I tremble beneath her, she keeps going, prolonging my orgasm, pulling every last bit of pleasure out of me until I’m gasping for air, my body convulsing beneath her.

When she finally slows down, she watches me with satisfaction, a smug grin curling at her lips.

"Told you I could make you scream."

I’m left breathless, skin still tingling, my mind barely able to catch up with the aftermath of what just happened. Paige leans down, kissing me deeply, almost possessively, as if claiming me all over again. Her hands are on my hips, her body pressed against mine, and I can feel how much control she has over me how much she loves it.

"I can’t believe he gets to see you like this," she whispers, her voice thick with lust and satisfaction. "Fuck pia Do you know how insane that makes me?”

"I’m not done with you," she adds, her voice still low, laden with desire. "Not even close."

[revelboo]

I recently saw some transformers figures at target and couldn't help but laugh at how bad they were 😭. this pack was for tfone, but they just straight up put cyberverse starscream and g1 Megatron in the pack instead. and they gave optimus his g1 face, but tfone body??? idk what happened but they did my boys dirty, only b127 is from the correct universe lol. I'm definitely sticking to the blokees, they're way cuter anyways

🤣 oh those are awful.

Off to a great start- just accidentally traumatized a bunch of coworkers apparently. Someone brought in some plants from their greenhouse and my weird little brain zeroes in on a teeny jumping spider on one. So I’m just standing in an office with four other people letting it parkour over my fingers and making everyone else really uncomfortable. I was only halfway paying attention and it bungeed to freedom at some point. I’ve never seen any of them ever move as fast as when I said ‘oops.’

Everything Is Alright Pt 144

Starscream x Reader, Megatron x Reader, Soundwave x Reader

• Head resting against him, you can feel the thrum of his spark, that steady, familiar pulse sinking into you. And you don’t know what to make of the fact that he’d stopped. That he could have taken what he wanted and hadn’t. But then maybe that’s it. Maybe he doesn’t want you. Guilt twists through you when you think of it in that light, because he’d not bonded you because he’d loved you. Or even liked you. He’d been trying to save your life and had ended up trapping himself. Neither of you have really talked about it either aside from you awkwardly thanking him. He has to resent you for that. And for shoving Star’s sparkling off on him. By all rights, he should despise you. Which is why you can’t understand when he does stuff like this, holding you so gently.

• “You’re quiet,” Megatron grumbles, chin brushing the top of your head. Upset about Starscream being upset? And you shift against him, curling into him as if seeking his warmth. The back of one of your hands cool against his plating as he reaches up to capture it in his. “If you spend all your time trying to keep Starscream happy, you’ll never be happy yourself.” Because that seeker is too mercurial, his moods shifting too quickly driven by his ambitions.

• “What about you?” You ask, throat tight. Starting to piece together patterns in his behavior. If anyone else is around, he plays the warlord. But even when it’s only the two of you, you’re not sure that he’s actually happy. He just drops the mask because you’re no threat to him. And how could he be happy when he’d been saddled with you, all of his choices stripped away? “I’m so sorry.” For getting him involved in this mess without a say. For taking his choices away. Trapping him with you.

• Stiffening when your voice breaks, he looks down and grimaces. Again? Hasn’t even done anything and you’re leaking again. Primus help him understand strange, soft organics and the way their minds work. “Why am I always upsetting you without even doing anything?” He growls, gripping your chin and tipping your face up. And you offer him a watery smile to make him vent in frustration. What imagined slight is he guilty of now?

• Almost laughing at his expression even though it’s not really funny at all, you twist around in his lap to straddle him and lean forward to brush a kiss against his cheek. And he freezes completely making you sure you shouldn’t have done that. That he really isn’t interested and he’s only touched you to aggravate Star. That’s why he’d stopped so quickly, he didn’t want you, only to mess with Star. “I really didn’t mean to drag you into this,” you manage as he just stares at you. “And you shouldn’t have to deal with this. With me.” And Starscream. Can’t understand why he’d saved you to begin with. Why he’d bothered when you’re nothing to him. And he just tips his head back to stare at the ceiling, a big hand cupping the back of your neck. “I know you didn’t want this.”

• “You little fool,” he murmurs, tone affectionate. Jaw working, he huffs through his vents, trying to figure out what you’re thinking. So sick of misunderstandings. Do you think you somehow took advantage of him? Head ducking, his mouth brushes yours as his other hand slides to your hip and tightens on you. Tugs you more flush against him. And those soft hands cling to him as you make a soft noise. “I chose this,” he growls, head lifting so his lips barely ghost against yours.

• “What do you want?” Wings flaring aggressively, Starscream’s optics narrow as Shockwave stares him down, unintimidated by his bared denta. Hates that he has no idea what’s going through the scientist’s processor. No tells to what he’s thinking. Still aside from the soft sound of his cannon slowly tapping against his thigh as his head turns back toward the door. Like he knows you’re in there with Megatron. Like he knows everything.

• Head tipping as Shockwave’s attention slides from the closed door to Megatron’s habsuite to the Seeker, he tries to figure that out himself. Because he’s been fixating on this world even before they crashed here. Had seeded this world with energon millennia ago. Chose this world for his experiments, even though there were other worlds better suited to it. So why this world? Why does this one matter to him. There’s something there in the dark corners of his processor, a memory just out of reach that doesn’t even feel like it’s his. There’s a reason why he keeps getting drawn back here, but he can’t get ahold of it. And that missing piece hurts him, digs in with jagged edges when he tries to focus on it, tries to remember.

Previous

Next

[novas-corner]

OH DEAR GODS PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKED MY WRITING???? I hope y’all know I’m freaking out about this, it will get to my head (my apolocheese)

Anyways, a singular person asked for more… so… more it is!!

Again with all of this I know almost NOTHING about the game, I’ve missed out on a lot of lore since I am simply a card collector… and I’m very biased towards characters 😭‼️

Also this was NOT proofread properly (I’m doing this on no sleep at eight in the morning.)

Anyways, part 1 is here!

Also I’m basing their schedules around THIS post here!! (I think it’s official stuff? Idk)

Thank you for listening to me yap… back to being isekaid!!!! (I still do not know how to spell that)

Oh also there’s angst ish in here? Idk man I’m just writing out my thoughts at this point LOL

OH FUCK AN ISEKAI

Alright well sleeping was… a nightmare. All five of them argued until you eventually gave up and went to the couch. Damn boys, they’re gonna make your life trouble and you know it. But you gotta admit… five guys fawning all over you is kinda nice! The attention? Fantastic. They give you massages? UGH, so nice.

Well… you’ll need one of those mentioned massages tomorrow, you know damn well your back is going to be killing you in the morning.

You’re surprised to see Sylus walk into the living room, sitting next to you.

“You shouldn’t sleep out here sweetie, it’s not good for your body… what if I took you back to the N109 zone with me? You could sleep in a nice comfortable bed there and there would be much more space”

You groan, sitting up

“The only way I will do that is if you bring the other four with us. You need to remember that we are all not technically in our own universes since this ISNT the main storyline of the game. I don’t want them to be stranded here, I’d feel bad about that”

He sighs, but smiles down at you, pulling your head into his lap.

“Always thinking of others before yourself hm sweetie? Be a bit selfish sometimes okay?”

You huff, but relax into his embrace nonetheless.

“Yeah… I’ll try. Why are you up anyways? Couldn’t sleep?”

He’s running his fingers through your hair (or just rubbing your bald head, idk man) and chuckles down at you.

“Oh come on, I thought you knew all about us”

He’s teasing you… cocky mf-

“The N109 zone doesn’t have a day or night technically, so my schedule is a bit off from everyone else”

Oooooooh… riiiight… you had forgotten about that, honestly there’s probably so much you’ve forgotten. You never did read through the events or stories, just let them play in the background to get more pulls for banners… maybe you should get back into the story after all this blows over… or then again… maybe you won’t have to due to being with them all the time now.

“Right… I forgot about that… well I’m… tired. So I’m going to sleep- lemme move-“

You’re trying to shuffle off his lap to not disturb him, but he just rests a hand on the small of your back and tells you to ‘not worry’ and that he can ‘handle you sleeping for a bit’

…that’s sweet…

You’re relaxing into him almost immediately and drifting off, letting your slumber take over you.

What you don’t know however, is that once sylus is sure you’re asleep, he’s analyzing you, trying to see if this was all some ploy to not be caught for cheating… but it’s really a different person. What was once a person he knew was now just someone who knew him. It was a strange feeling, they had the face of the one he loved, they almost sounded like them too— they just spoke differently. It felt so right and yet so wrong to have you there… maybe he should have Zayne give you a physical checkup tomorrow, make sure you’re healthy and all.

Sylus tries to not care for you, after all… you’re not HIS, not the person he knew. But you acted the same in so many ways… hopefully this can all be fixed. For now though, he sits running his fingers through your hair as he reads a book.

~Timeskip~

It’s morning now and you groggily wake up to the smell of bacon. You’re sitting up, rubbing your sleep ridden eyes as a cheerful voice calls out from the kitchen.

“Oh! Sorry pips, did I wake you up?”

You’re standing now, walking over to Caleb with a yawn.

“Nono… I just woke up… whatcha making?”

He’s all smiles, you’re honestly not sure how he has so much energy at six in the morning but whatever.

“Just some bacon and eggs! Want some?”

He says with a grin, pointing to the plate of bacon and eggs. You pause, eyeing the plate.

“Were the eggs made first? I’m allergic and can’t really risk cross contamination… don’t wanna die today, y’know?” (I’m reminding y’all that this is ME written as if it’s YOU. We ain’t having eggs together homies 🫵🥲)

“Oh?? Uh… I think so? Maybe you shouldn’t eat them to be safe… I’ll make you something else!”

He’s saying while already looking for something else to make… at least they know where everything in this apartment is located, I’ve got no clue.

You’re trying to find bread and hear him mumbling something about how his version of you isn’t allergic to anything… guess that’s a difference.

He sees you rifling through literally every drawer and pats you on the head.

“You know you can ask for things… right?”

“Well- maybe I just wanted to see if I could do it myself, this is technically my apartment after all… but uh… where’s the bread?”

He’s laughing at you, pointing to the bread literally in the counter, you blind blind mf. Your shoulders almost slump in defeat as you pop some toast into the toaster and open the fridge. Huh… fully stocked… that’s nice, where’s the butter though…

As if reading your mind, Caleb walks behind you and grabs the butter for you.

“Here, it’s buried in there, you wouldn’t have found it alone”

You’re just kinda looking up at him, he’d got you cages in between him and the door- HE DID THE HOT THING WHERE THEY GRAB SOMETHING FOR YOU GANG. Ugh you forget that this is a game about flirting and they’re gonna be doing that.

“Oh… right, thank you”

You’re quickly scurrying away from him— and as everyone does, you get spooked by the damn toaster. That mf laughs at you AGAIN. Jerk…

Anyways you’re buttering your toast and watching as he plates his food, having made extra for the others… that’s sweet of him.

“I usually ask my version of you to work out in the mornings… so… would you want to join me for a morning workout after breakfast?”

You look up from your toast, a mouthful and crumbs on your face, he just smiles at you as you swallow your food and wipe your face.

“Mm- sure? Im not the strongest though so expect me to not keep up.”

Which gets you thinking… how in the hell are you going to do the job of the MC??? There’s no way you could deal with wanderers… would you being here jeopardize the job the MC has? Oh gods I mean you can technically rely on the guys for money but what if they get sick of you not being their MC. Not only that, is time passing back home? Will people realize you’re gone? Are you going to end up like an unsolved crime case?

“Hey… are you okay?”

His voice snaps you out of the despair trace you were in, you look up at him with wide eyes and see him looking at you concerned.

“Oh… yeah sorry I was just thinking… I’ll join you for the workout, it’ll probably take my mind off things.”

You’re trying to keep smiling, you’ve been obsessed with these men for months and they’re literally all here, you should just enjoy this in case it’s a dream, y’know?

He’d still visibly concerned but decides to drop it, finishing his food and grabbing yours and his empty plates, putting them in the sink to wash later.

“Well let’s go workout then shall we? You can sit on my back while I do pushups? Alright pips?”

OH BOY!!! You’re standing with a smile, nodding along and following him along to the door, pausing and looking down at your clothes.

“Ooooh wait I need to change my clothes first”

You begin to wander back to what you found out is your room, walking in to see Zayne buttoning up his shirt, and Rafayel and Xavier cuddled up in bed… well more like Xavier cuddling up to Rafayel but whatever they look kinda cute, y’know?

You smile at Zayne, he just nods to you, finishing putting his shirt on.

“There’s breakfast there, Caleb made eggs and Bacon, plus bread for toast”

You’re saying as you walk over to the closet, rifling through the clothes there. You know that MC has got to have something for a workout other than this damn hunters uniform… surely right?

Oh thank the gods they do. (I actually could not find one but I’m gonna guess MC has a workout outfit)

“Are you working out? Have you eaten breakfast yet?”

You turn to see Zayne, who is now hovering behind you.

“Oh! Yeah Caleb invited me to workout with him, I guess him and the me you know worked out in the mornings”

He just nods.

“Alright, enjoy that then, I’ll be back later, I’m going to try and stay with you overnight and whatnot to see if I can help figure out what’s going on, the rest of the men have also agreed they want to be around as well.”

You just nod, biting at your lip slightly. It’s sweet that they care about you enough, but you’re sure they’re only caring because they want their old lives back. You can’t really blame them though since you just want your life back too. Again, it’s nice to be here with men you’ve simped over… but you have friends, parents… ugh be positive damnit, we can’t be depressed all the time.

“Right okay…“

You’re trailing off, not really knowing how to proceed.

“The white haired man— Sylus I believe? He mentioned that I should give you a checkup at some point today. Would you rather visit the hospital during my lunch break or wait I til I get back?”

You raise an eyebrow at his words. Oh boy these mfs are in for a TREAT, they’ll never expect the amount of things wrong with me. Huh that begs the question, will my body function differently than theirs? I mean obviously I don’t have the protocore heart and whatever else… but is it different since they’re game characters?

OH MF YOU DIDNT ANSWER-

“Probably just when you get back, I’m not really sure how to get to the hospital after all.”

He just nods, patting you on the head and walking out.

“Sounds good, I’ll expect you to be ready when I get home then. Have a good day.”

HE’S SO STOIC???? I don’t know how to feel bout that but whATEVER YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING OUT.

You gather your clothes and move over to the bathroom, as you’re getting dressed you can hear Rafayel waking up and causing a ruckus over being cuddled by Xavier. God damn he’s loud…

You’re changed now and walk back to the living room, where Caleb is sat on the couch waiting for you.

“Ah! Finally pips! Felt like I was gonna have to search for you in case you had gotten lost!”

He’s honestly adjusted really well to the fact that I’m not the me he knows. I wonder if it’s a facade, I know damn well he cares a great deal for his version of me. STOP THINKING SO NEGATIVELY. DAMN.

Anyways you’re smiling slightly at his words, listening to him yap about what he’s planning to do for his workout, it’s just going in one ear and right out the other if I’m being real.

You leave the apartment and go to the gym that I guess the apartment has? (I’m making things up as I go at this point, things will just appear as I need them too)

He’s doing weights and stuff, you’re struggling to get through his tough workout (I’m crippled sorry gang, if I gotta struggle so do you 💔)

He notices this of course and slows his pace down, eventually stopping and patting you on the shoulder.

“Hey… you don’t need to do this y’know?”

You just sigh and look up at him defeated.

“Does your version of me do this every day? That bitch is ATHLETIC.”

He laughs at you and offers to just help him with his workout I stead, which you joyfully agree to, watching Caleb workout? YES PLEASE.

So now here you are, sat on his back and counting his pushups for him. Huh, suddenly the angst from earlier is gone as you watch his ARMS??? UGHHHH 🤩

He eventually finished that up though (UNFORTUNATELY) and just looks up at you… still on his back, making it just a lil bit hard to get up.

“Pips… you gotta move y’know?- I will just roll you over, you should know this.”

Oh we gotta know what that means.

“Hm? The ground is talking, how strange…”

You’re looking up at the ceiling with an almost expectant grin on your face, which he does not fail to realize. Well you asked for it.

Suddenly he has managed to roll you off him and have you underneath him. Don’t ask the logistics of it, just go with it.

You’re looking up at him with wide eyes, Christ it was fast— how in the hell did he do that???

He just chuckles and gets off of you, offering a hand out for you to take, which you do and he pulls you up. "l have to say, you don't act all that different, it's easy to forget you're not the same person I've known." OUCH????? OK ANGST IS BACK IG??? He's walking you back up to your apartment, the hand he used to help you up now wrapped around your shoulder "Oh?.. is that... a bad thing?" "I suppose it isn't! It makes you fun to be around!" "Ah okay..." You trail off, you know what you want to ask but... "What happens if you can't get... the other me back?" The words tumble out of your mouth before you can think to stop them, he almost freezes in his tracks but keeps walking, smile faltering slightly. "I'm... not sure..." "Would you stick around knowing I'm not the person you knew? Or are you just here to get them back?"

He doesn't know how to answer you, because of course he wants his version of you back... but would he just.. leave? He doesn't even know himself. "For now lets not worry about that, okay pips? I'm here now and that's all that really matters, we'll figure everything out eventually" You just nod, looking down and mumbling a small apology... well that's... sad. So anyways you finally make it back to the apartment, and head to your room to grab a basic outfit.

Xavier is STILL asleep- does this mf have narcolepsy??? Whatever, you grab your outfit and turn to go to the bathroom, you need a shower to think again, plus you smell like sweat.

The door to the bathroom is closed when you get there, you knock only to hear Rafayel telling you to come in. You walk in and OH MY STARS-

“OH- sorry didn’t realize you would be IN the bath- I can come back later I’m so sorry-“

He cuts you off with a wave of his hand.

“No no it’s okay, did you need something?”

He’s asking with a slight tilt to his head. Dear gods man he is sculpted like a god, probably because he literally is one- STOP STARING.

You manage to snap yourself out of it, face absolutely red and looking down at the clothes in your hands.

“Sorry I was just trying to shower and get dressed- I can do so later-“

He’s sitting up in the bathtub, motioning for you to come closer.

“You can come bathe with me if you’d like? I don’t mind sharing.”

SIR?????? You are red as a lobster and I fear he is reveling in this fact— HOW IS HE SO CALM ABOUT THIS????

“No- that’s fine I’ll just… see myself out… thanks for the offer though”

You manage to mumble out, looking anywhere but at him and finally turning yer butt around to walk out. You hear him chuckle behind you and call out to you as you shut the door, playful as ever.

“Your loss Mx bodyguard!!”

TEASING MF. Ok anyways we need to find somewhere else to change it seems. So you opt to just shut yourself in the little closet and get changed. Xavier is still asleep in bed, which is kinda cute, he’s out like a ROCK. Honestly and earthquake could pass through and not much would happen I fear.

You wander around the place, Caleb, Zayne and Sylus are all out somewhere, Rafayel is in the bath and Xavier is asleep. There’s… not much to do.

You’re tired though and you slept on the couch, so you find yourself walking over to your room and climbing into bed opposite to Xavier.

You pass right out.

—————————————

Gang I’ll be honest, you could FEEL it falling apart at the end😭‼️

In my defense, it’s almost eight in the morning and I have not slept.

I wrote myself into a bit of a corner too since there’s like… nothing going on ‼️‼️‼️

I also do not know how to write seggsy time so I had to QUICKLY 180 from that.

Anyways I have ideas for another part, if people don’t burn me at the stake for being a crap writer I might add another part to this disaster LMAO

Okok yap session is over, thank you for reading this !! 🤩

Tag list ?!?! (Ask to be added 🤩)

@lunia-likes-pomegranet

[poeticpoutk]

𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘦 - 𝘱𝘵2

pt 1

────── ⋆⋅ 𖤓 ⋅⋆ ──────

The first few days, he doesn’t say a word.

You keep expecting your phone to light up. A paragraph. A voicemail. One of his rants, maybe. Something. But there’s nothing.

Which, in some twisted way, hurts more than if he’d tried.

You still think about him constantly, though. Of course you do. It’s Rafe.

You sleep with your phone face-down just in case. You avoid your usual spots. You ignore the way your chest tightens every time someone says his name. You try to breathe through the ache.

Then, a week later, it starts.

Rafe (1:12 AM):

| I miss you so much.

| I can’t sleep. Are you okay?

You don’t reply.

The next night, it comes again:

Rafe (12:04 AM):

| You’re so beautiful. I don’t deserve you.

| You’re the best thing I ever had.

You delete the text without reading it twice.

But they keep coming. At weird hours. Sometimes sweet. Sometimes incoherent. Sometimes a photo of something stupid you liked, your favorite seashell he kept on his nightstand. A streetlamp on your block. A song screenshot you once played in his truck.

Rafe (3:07 AM):

| Can we talk?

| Just talk. Please.

And then a switch flips.

Rafe (4:36 AM):

| You were always a stuck-up bitch anyway.

| Acting like you’re some angel. You’re not.

You sit up in bed that night, heart racing. You block his number.

Two days later, it’s a new number.

Unknown (9:52 PM):

| I didn’t mean it. You know I didn’t. I was angry.

| I love you. Don’t leave it like this. Please don’t.

You block that one too.

Eventually, you stop counting how many numbers he’s burned through. Some nights he doesn’t say anything at all. Others, it’s four texts in a row. A missed call. A voicemail you don’t listen to. A photo from a year ago, legs in the sand, his hand over your ankle.

And then it goes quiet again. Really quiet.

Almost long enough for you to breathe.

—

It’s a party. You didn’t want to go.

But your friend was begging, and you haven’t left the house in three days, and honestly... you miss being seventeen. The soft weight of a drink in your hand. The feel of ocean air in your hair. Music pulsing up through your shoes. Being a teenager instead of some girl with a broken heart and a Rafe-shaped hole in her chest.

You’re already three drinks deep when you see him.

He’s standing in the archway of the living room like he’s trying not to be seen. But of course he is. That’s Rafe. He looks… not awful. His shirt’s wrinkled, his jaw clenched, but his eyes catch yours like they never forgot how.

Your stomach drops.

You turn your back to him. You start moving, fast, out the back. Somewhere quieter. The deck. The sea breeze.

But he follows.

You hear it in the way the door shuts behind you. The quiet click. His shoes on the wood.

“Wait,” he says, voice tight. “Can we please talk?”

You don’t turn around. “No.”

“Please.”

His voice is different. Not angry. Not bitter. Just tired.

You glance over your shoulder. His eyes are glassy. You can tell he’s been drinking, but not enough to stumble. Just enough to lower the wall.

“I love you,” he says. Like it’s a fact. Like gravity.

You shake your head. “Don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m trying to get over you,” you whisper. “And you don’t let me.”

“I don’t know how to.”

You look at him. His arms are crossed. He’s swaying slightly with the wind, but his face is steady. For once.

He swallows. “Come talk with me. Out by the dock.”

You hesitate. You shouldn’t. But he looks so human, so quiet, so unlike the storm he always is.

So you follow.

The dock is empty. All the party noise fades behind you as you walk down the wooden planks. The moonlight cuts across the water in ripples. His family’s yacht looms at the far end, silent and pristine like some ghost ship.

You sit on the edge of the dock, legs dangling over the edge. He sits beside you, knees pulled up, elbows resting there.

For a moment, neither of you speak.

Then, softly “I’m sorry.”

You stare at the water. “You’ve said that before.”

“I know. But I mean it now.”

“You always say that, too.”

“I’m not yelling,” he says, glancing sideways at you. “I’m not high. I’m not making excuses. I’m just sitting here. With you.”

You don’t answer. The wind rustles your hair. You feel your heart pounding and hate how much you still want him.

He sighs. “I fucked up.”

You nod slowly. “Yeah.”

“I meant what I said. All of it. That night in my truck? That wasn’t fake. I really thought I could do it.”

“You didn’t,” you say, voice flat.

“No.” He exhales. “I didn’t.”

There’s a long pause.

“I think about you every day,” he says.

You close your eyes. “Rafe-”

“I do,” he insists. “I think about you all the time. I think about how I hate not knowing what's going on between us. I think about a lot of things.”

You say nothing.

“I messed it all up. And I hate myself. I hate that I was the one thing in your life that made it worse, not better.”

Your eyes sting. “You weren't all bad.”

He blinks. “What?”

“You weren’t all bad,” you say. “That’s the worst part. You weren’t just bad. You were… a decent boyfriend half the time. You held my hand when I cried. You taught me how to drive. You kissed my shoulder just to calm me down. You made me feel- i dunno” You stop yourself.

He turns fully toward you. “I made you feel what?”

You look at him. His eyes are wide. Earnest.

“special,” you whisper. “even when it hurt I liked how it felt.”

Silence.

You hear him swallow.

The dock creaks under you. You lean back on your hands, trying to ground yourself. You feel dizzy. Not just from the drinks.

He leans a little closer.

“I don’t want to make you more promises I can’t keep,” he says, voice slower now, quieter. “But I want to try. I want to do it different this time. Slower. Whatever you need.”

You look at him.

He looks like Rafe. But not the Rafe from your nightmares. The Rafe from the morning afters. The one who used to rest his forehead on yours and breathe like he needed you to live.

“I don’t know,” you say honestly. “I don’t trust you.”

“I know,” he says again. “I wouldn’t either.

“I’m tired.”

“I can wait.”

“You say that…”

“I mean it,” he interrupts, gently. “For once, I mean it.”

He stares at the water for a long time, then looks back at you, drunk but steady.

“I'll be patient with you.”

Your heart aches.

“i love you rafe” you say softly.

He nods. “Yeah, I love you too.”

You sit in silence.

The wind is cold on your arms. His presence is warm beside you, familiar in a way that makes you want to curl up and cry.

It’s not fixed. Not even close.

But it’s not nothing.

────── ⋆⋅ 𖤓 ⋅⋆ ──────

Hii guys! I have no school and i'm sick stuck in my room so i'm super bored and just felt like writing. I'm not 100% sure if this is how you wanted the pt 2 to go, or if you even wanted a 2nd part but here you go!

Thanksss.

[yanderederee]

LittleSnack

a/n:ive been eating a lot lately, and getting a little insecure about it.. so here’s some comfort♡

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✦

“You packed way too much food again!”

Your friend said in an appalled tone.

Atsushi Murasakibara’s ears perked at the mention of too much food, immediately lifting his head up from his previously sleeping position. Looking over at you right away, he stared down your loaded bento.

His mouth watered. Grilled beef, a side of fragrant pan noodles, dumplings, and … leftover Bibimbap. Now his mouth was watering ….

Of course, Murasakibara had finished his lunch long ago. Now that it was lunch though, he was sort of regretting it. No matter how many times he regrets eating his lunch too soon, he always does it again the next day…

“You eat like that everyday y/n… pretty soon, you’re gonna start gaining even more weight…” your friend continued with a judgmental overlook.

You laughed off her rude comment. “You know I’m not worried about that kind of stuff. I just have a big appetite.”

Your defense fell on deaf ears as your friend sighed. “Can’t you just use a normal excuse, like ‘I accidentally made too much!’ And offer the rest of what you shouldn’t eat to someone you like?”

You paused eating upon her words, annoyance prickling your good mood. “I don’t need to make an excuse for my eating habits… I’m happy just the way I am.” You replied calmly, continuing your lunch with a bit more attitude.

Murasakibara, overheating the entire thing, smirked. He’d always had a little bit of an admiration towards you and your large appetite. It was rare to find a girl who ate as much as you. But since he was never all that interested in girls, he made no effort in learning more about you than that.

Seeing this new side of you was nice. He liked the way you stood up for yourself, and took pride in the way you were. Not to mention, the food you brought in always looked homemade. He couldn’t help but wonder if you made it yourself.

“Whatever, just trying to look out for you.” Your friend shrugged, and kept silent about the subject.

Murasakibara glanced at you, instead of your food, and noticed a weird look on your face. Even after you finished the entirety of your bento, you still looked unsatisfied.

The food looked great, and he couldn’t imagine you’d still be hungry. Maybe you were; he was often still hungry after any meal he had too. That’s why he snacked so much, anyway.

That had to be it, you were snacky. No matter how delicious the food you had was, it was true you had nothing sweet.

Dessert was the most important part of a meal, after all.

Without realizing the meaning behind his actions before acting on them, he began searching his snack-school bag for what he had on him.

Four bags of different chips, three mambo sticks, two rice cakes, a few handfuls of Sakura mochi candies, a bag of hi-chew, and two red bean buns.

Looking at the assortment made his mouth water. He was definitely going to indulge in some snacks as well. Reaching in, he pulled out a bag of chips, a mambo stick, four Sakura mochi, a handful of hichew, and a red bean bun. He honestly had no idea what kind of food or snacks you liked, so he just grabbed a little bit of everything.

Hauling the load in his stupidly large hands, he quietly walked over to your desk. You were sitting alone now with your bento neatly put away, since lunch was only a minute from ending.

“Y/n-chin…” your classmate said in a deadpan tone, before laying the snacks out on your desk. Your eyes bulged wide in shock. Your mouth fell open, confused. Speechless, you craned your neck up to look at your tall classmate. “M-Murasakibara-kun…?” You asked.

He nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “You looked hungry… teach yells at me if she catches me snacking during class though, so careful not go get caught…” he looked away after catching your glistening gaze.

Why was he suddenly embarrassed?

“Y-you didn’t have to! I couldn’t..” you tried to offer the snacks back, but he already started walking away. “Eat them all y/n-chin~”

And just as he sat back in his seat, the class bell rang to start lessons. Crap, he was gonna have to sneak-snack again.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✦

Murasakibara was putting away his school materials, careful not to squish any of the snacks inside. “M-Murasakibara-kun…” you said quietly while standing over his desk. With an unimpressed glance, he looked at you, practically at each other’s height even though he was sitting.

“Thanks for the snacks today… they were really good.” You smiled at him. “I don’t have anything to repay you though, so…”

You looked down at your fidgeting fingers. “I-if you don’t mind, I’d like to cook you something. I-I always accidentally make too much food at home, enough for an extra bento or two… so, if there’s anything you’d like, I’d be happy to make something for you.”

As if buffering, Murasakibara sat unmoving in silence. Well, this was a surprise. He wasn’t sure how he should respond. He didn’t offer you the snacks to get something out of you, but he’d be lying if he didn’t want to eat your cooking.

“Really?” He asked.

You nodded enthusiastically. “Absolutely!”

“You’re sure?” He asked again.

You laughed heartily at this. He wasn’t sure what was so funny, but your continued laughter was making him feel some type of way. It made him smile, like he was happy or something.

“Yes I’m sure! Do you have any requests?” You asked after finally getting your giggling under control.

Murasakibara looked up, and hummed in thought. “Anything I want…. That’s a dangerous question y/n-chin, since I like everything…”

You hummed in unison, and thought. “Buttered chicken?”

“Sounds yummy.”

“Sautéed carrots?”

His nose wrinkled. “Hate carrots.”

You giggled. “No carrots. Pork dumplings?”

“Sure…”

“Muchim?”

“As long as it isn’t too spicy.”

Satisfied, you nodded, and pulled your bag over your shoulder in preparation to leave. “Look forward to it, then!”

Murasakibara wasn’t sure why, but he felt the urge to call out for you when you began to walk away. He didn’t though, remained sitting while he watched you leave.

“What was that about?” Himuro asked suddenly, scaring the purple giant half to death. “Nothin’” he huffed in reply.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✦

The next day, Murasakibara almost forgot about yesterday’s events. He forgot things pretty easily. As he put his shoes away, he began thinking about if he’d have enough time to eat his bento before the beginning of the day bell rang.

“Murasakibara-kun,” he heard his name call out to him from behind, halfway down the hall. He stopped, and looked back to see you with two large furushiki wrappings in hand. “I might have went a little overboard, sorry.” You laughed quietly.

Oh yeah, you promised to bring him lunch today. He wasn’t sure how he forgot that.

“Thanks,” he accepted the purple furushiki, surprised by its hefty weight.

“I hope it’s to your liking!” You grinned up at him. Caught up in surprise, he only just realized how fucking short you were. Everyone was short compared to him but, well, he could have easily missed you if he didn’t actively look down.

Before he had the chance to reply, you were jogging off to your shared classroom, carefree and greeting friends along the way.

…

The hours seemed to pass agonizingly slow between then and lunch time… Despite being successful in scarfing down the lunch his mom packed him for the day (as per usual), he was eager to finally enjoy the food he’d been wishing he could eat from your bento from afar.

…

Finally, the heavenly sound of the lunch bell ended morning lectures. Immediately, he pulled out the wrapped bento box, unwrapped the furushiki, and popped open the first of three boxes.

He wanted to eat slowly, savor each bite for its amazing flavor. But that was just impossible. He barely had enough time to chew between each bite, he was eating so fast.

Too distracted by the food in front of him, he hadn’t noticed you staring at him. “He sure is eating fast,” you chuckled to yourself, making your friend cock an eyebrow at you. “Why the sudden interest? Wait… isn’t that one of your lunch boxes? No, that’s definitely your furushiki on his desk. Y/n, did you..?!” She asked, almost choking on her own lunch.

“W-what can I say… I-I accidentally made too much…” you looked away from her suspecting squint. “Oh my god.” She whispered, looking back to Murasakibara. “Never for a thousand years would I have guessed… you and Mu—“ she tried to tease you, but you cut her off with a sush.

“Not out loud..!” You whispered red faced.

Glancing back again, you spotted Murasakibara seeking you out, mouth full and giving you a big thumbs up. You almost gasped, his approval earning a much deeper blush out of you.

Once he’d finished, he wrapped everything back up. Though, when he handed it back to you, it was much… lumpier than you remembered.

“It was good.” Murasakibara reported back to you in his usual dull tone. “Just good?” Your friend huffed. “That’s it?”

Murasakibara narrowed his eyes, not sure what she meant. It’s not like he was very fond of her anyway, given her attitude toward the way you ate in the first place. Was she trying to get on his nerves?

“She went out of her way to make extra food for you? Can’t you act a little more grateful for her kindness?” She asked, pulling her own finished dishes away from your desk.

“S-stop.!” You hissed.

Your friend shrugged, unfazed. “Just sayin’.” She said just before walking away, leaving you two in shock.

“D-don’t worry about—“ you tried to laugh off the poor attitude she left behind, but Murasakibara got the idea.

“The Muchim was a little spicy, but i really liked it. The rice you made was fluffier than how my mom makes it, so I liked it better. The sauce you put on the chicken was also different than I’ve had before, so I really liked that too… I also liked the way you fried the dumplings on the bottom…” he tried thinking of different ways to compliment your exceptional cooking, but he wasn’t really that good with words. Hell, he wasn’t very social in general. Talking to you at all was out of his normal behavior.

Nevertheless, his kind words struck a cord in you. “It wasn’t too much?” You asked.

“I could have thirds.” He admitted.

“I have some leftover from my own lunch, if you-“

“Nah, that’s your food y/n-chin. You should finish it.” Murasakibara pointed at the lunchbox wrapping he handed back to you. “I also left some snacks in there for you as thanks, make sure to eat those too.”

That explains why the wrapping was lumpy. You couldn’t help but laugh again. “That’s thoughtful of you, thanks.”

Murasakibara nodded, and started walking back to his desk, but felt a tug on his sleeve that made him stop and look back.

“Sorry… but, do you mind if I call you by a nickname? After all, not only do you call me by my first name, but it’s also shortened…”

He looked down at you silently for a moment too long to feel comfortable. “I-I just mean, Murasakibara is a bit of a mouthful, you know?”

Crap, were you overstepping? Nervously, you averted your gaze. He liked seeing this shy side of you too. Atsushi smiled, and sat in the seat your friend left open. “Sure. What’d you have in mind?”

Happily surprised at his change of tone, you unfolded the lunch cloth, and pulled out a red bean bun.

Til the end of lunch, you both sat and chatted with one another.

[poisonsage808]

strange love

John Munch x Stripper!Reader

they think i’m insane, they think my lover is strange

• It really shouldn’t have panned out in his favor, considering he was an asshole on your first date.

"So what do you do?" He asked, struggling to keep boredom from his tone. He hates small talk.

"I'm an entertainer," your hands fidget nervously, "of sorts."

"Well, as long as you're not a stripper." He chuckles.

You, of course, do not.

• To his continued utter perplexity, the date concluded without you throwing insults or silverware at him. You suffered each and every question that you said no one had bothered to ask you before. The thought of dates prior ending abruptly after you'd surrendered the information, you alone with the check, made him more upset than you!

"The bad ones weed themselves out, right?" You joked bitterly, shrugging like you were unfazed but he saw the bleeding heart on your sleeve, "Anyways, I can't really blame them."

John tilts his head, "Why?"

"Would you wanna date someone you knew was ogled nightly by strangers, maybe a coworker or business partner? Everyone says it doesn't bother them until it does."

"That bothers you," he states like the fact that it is, "so why don't you stop? Do something else?"

Pausing while lifting a glass to your lips, you sit straighter and send a smile right to his heart, "You should know why; you're in the same boat as me, it's just named something else. Why don't you stop being a detective even though it's detrimental to your love life, hm? Because we don't believe we should live our lives for anyone other than ourselves."

• Your occupation didn't bother him half as much as his delusions did. He always attracted the wrong type of women, four failed marriages and a looong string of exes can attest to the fact, what business did he have dating a stripper thinking it would lead to what he really wanted? He didn't need another 'I told you so' from the universe

• He went home, alone, denying your comparison because it couldn't possibly be even remotely similar. Your words haunt him the entirety of the next day and later he calls to ask you out again, purely intending on picking your brain and, ideally, prove you wrong. He ends up stepping deeper into the trap you swore you didn't lay, so, maybe, there was a chance he willingly entered and couldn't bring himself to leave

• He’s an old fashioned man, he doesn’t fully get it. Like most, he wants to “save” you and get you out of this line of work. He tries to understand though and therein lies the difference. John still makes jokes about it, however knowledgeable he may be now, he feeds into it every time you complain about work and say you’re quitting,

“Oh no,” he says flatly, dropping his book and turning his attention to you. “Want me to check the classifieds for you? Or I have a buddy in hotel management that needs help manning the front desk, you can stand there and look pretty instead.”

“Don’t be a dick, babe.” You grin despite your irritation.

“I just called you pretty, how am I being a dick?”

• That's not to say you two don't have your fair share of arguments about your job— or his for that matter. There are times where your schedules don't line up or the stress of work gets to you both, resulting in a fight. It shocks him and you that neither of you takes the opportunity to cut losses and leave. It doesn't matter who started what, it always ends with a soft gesture that can only mean no one's going anywhere

• In the past, you’ve both been scorched badly enough to make you wary of a sudden flame. John’s (mostly) open and honest about everything on his mind but god forbid you ask him what his favorite color is. He’s slow to let you in all the way but when you manage to get there, close the door behind you because he doesn’t want out

• Fashion is a surprising forte of his and, wow, does he love shoes! Broke a heel? He has a shoe repair man that knows him by name. You need new pumps? He’ll come with you, have you test them out, holds your hand and says ‘give us a little twirl’. Don’t forget he’s still John Munch, he’ll let you know if he thinks a pair is ugly

“You look ravishing, sweetheart, an absolute dream… if you buy those abominations on your feet that dare call themselves as stilettos, I might accidentally throw them off the Empire State Building, though.”

• Far would it be from John to control your every move, he almost never even thinks of asking but sometimes the fear is unmanageable. John’s job is hard enough as it is only now he walks around seeing your face in every victim, terrified one day they’ll pull back the white sheet and that worry will become a reality. So can you blame him if he holds on too tight? If he asks you to call in sick because he has a bad feeling or demands you stay home because a freak is out there killing strippers? You try not to.

“Don’t argue with me on this, please, just lock the door and don’t answer it for anyone that’s not me. Please.”

• Being apart for days at a time makes phone calls very important… only John hates talking on the phone, keeping his replies shortened to “yeah” and “mhm”. Sometimes you can hear someone in the background and will take the conversation in a dirty direction to get him riled up. Other times you know the call is coming to an end and quickly say,

“I miss you, handsome.”

His voice quiets and turns impossibly soft, “I miss you too, beautiful.”

Laughter erupts close by him, the familiar voices of his infamous squad teasing him. You can’t help but grin as the line goes dead, feeling victorious that you won over the possibility of ridicule.

• Because he does miss you, terribly. You make him throw caution to the wind, you turn his brain to slush and have him forget how to tell himself no. He thought he got rid of this bad habit where he rushed in too quickly— then he asked you to move in with him. It was unceremonious and obviously not thought out, but you still said yes. Now, even though your schedules aren’t always on your sides, you two can at least take comfort in knowing the other will be coming home at some point

~

“Twelve bucks? I’m not paying twelve bucks for a spoonful of yuppie punch– I’d punch a yuppie for free, though. How the hell did these people get their liquor license? This is robbery.”

You’d know that sarcastic voice anywhere.

In a club packed like sardines and music blaring like a morning alarm– terrible combination, really– he shouldn’t have heard you the same way you shouldn’t have heard him. Still, you snorted, an unattractive sound, that you tried to mask with your hand. The second you did, he couldn’t take his eyes off you and was struggling to maintain a passive expression. You were willing to bet that if you went to the back and checked your phone there would be an SOS text from your boyfriend, trying to give you a heads up.

He looks pleased as punch to have caught you.

“Sounds like someone agrees with me.”

“Yeah right, you probably paid her to laugh.”

You turned with a shy grin, debating how you wanted to play this scene. Behind the darkened lenses of his glasses you could sense John studying you, wondering the same thing.

“So which is it, gorgeous, do you agree with me or did money jump out of my wallet and into your hand?”

You feel your cheeks warm while you attempt to stifle a laugh at his compliment. Hot and sexy you heard every day but the rare bouquet of praise John gave you was consistently refreshing, and he was a walking dictionary so the compliments were endless. His partner’s eyes go wide at your reaction. You’ve never met any of the detectives he worked with but from John’s stories, you gather it’s Fin.

“I’d report my boss for theft but that might make me a hypocrite.” Sweeping over your hips, you gesture to your outfit. Or lack thereof, your favorite piece was two zippers away from leaving you fully naked.

That gets a smirk out of him, “I dunno about that. You don’t look like a rip-off to me.”

You dare to step closer, wasps of coffee and leather hit your nose. Clearly enjoying the attention, John angled himself to block you from Fin and placed a hand on his hip. Like a bird, he preened when you took his tie in your hands, standing straighter and puffing out his chest. You lowered your voice and he chased after it, allowing you to gently pull the silk.

“You here for business or pleasure, handsome?”

“I’m—” You wouldn’t find out what he was going to say, there was a loud, fake cough behind him. John sighs, mouth pressed into a straight line and leaning back slightly, “Detective John Munch, a—”

“–And I’m Detective Tutuola. We need to speak to this boss of yours.” His partner chimed in, shoving his way back into view. The two shared a private conversation with their eyes that left them both glaring.

Jack, the bartender, set a tray with two martini glasses on the counter and whistled for your attention. Reluctantly, you allowed John’s tie to slip entirely from your fingers to grab the tray.

“Follow me.”

It wasn’t an offer. Taking John’s hand you began walking backwards, leading them to a booth. His fingers link with yours like it’s the most natural action in the world, leaving you on top of it. You had to bite your lip to contain your excitement.

“You’re not worried you’re gonna break an ankle?” He asks too seriously, quirking a worried brow at you.

“Haven’t yet.” Your reply isn’t reassuring him in the least. “Hey if I have to look for a new job you’d tell me, right?”

“Well I’ve only been asking you to for the past two years. Will me arresting your boss actually make you quit? I’ll feel really stupid if that’s all I had to do to keep you to myself.” He teases, winks, then turns your wrist over to place a delicate kiss to your knuckles.

John releases you to slide into the booth beside his partner, looking damn pleased with himself. Staring with narrowed eyes and a befuddled frown, Fin finally speaks his mind.

“…I’m missin’ something.”

“Gee, you’re quick today. Tutuola, meet my girlfriend. Ethereal light of my life, this is the infamous Fin.”

“How do you do?”

To you, the man smiles kindly, “Just fine, thanks, lovely to meet you. One second—“ The slap he gives John’s arm, however, is audibly loud and full of petty anger. “You have a woman!? And you never told me!? That’s messed up, Munch, I’m your partner.”

“First of all, ow. You can’t just hit people because you’re mad at them, didn’t they teach you this in grade school!? Keep your hands to yourself, you acrimonious oaf. Secondly, I did tell you— it’s not my fault you thought I was kidding. Thirdly, I told her about you which, if you think about it, is arguably more important.”

John leans back when he runs out of hot air, dramatically rubbing his arm. Already accustomed to your comforting weight around his shoulders, he doesn’t blink when you hug his neck in front of his partner.

“He says you’re the best partner he’s ever had.”

“I did pay her to say that.”

“Yeah, I bet you did.” Fin winks, like you’re sharing a secret, “I’ll keep his bony ass safe for you, mama.”

Tapping your arm, John turns his head so he doesn’t have to yell over the music anymore, “We really do need to talk to your boss now, sweetheart.”

"Duty calls, you answer." You hum, sliding your arms off him to release him from your embrace, "I'll get her for you. See you tonight, handsome."

Mindful of your lipstick, you lean in to ghost a kiss to his cheek but he discards your caution and steals a proper, quick peck. John grins at your surprise, feasting on it. Snickering, you playfully swat his arm before walking away. You can feel his reluctant eyes struggle to let you go. Fin smirks and jostles his partner as you depart, much to his provocation.

"You dog!"

Munch waits a moment to wipe the mark from his lips, grinning at your frame as it fades away.

"Woof."

[queenjunothegreat]

Hello, everyone, I am BACK with something incredibly stupid. And this one is actually a collaboration! @ihavetoomany-fandoms invoked my name, @demigod-shenanigans picked the prompt, @damstaplereater decided on POV, @manygeese named Jason's lacrosse buddies, @imliterallyinsanern decided on the monster, and @apollo-is-somthing chose how Jason got detention! Fun games all around, thank you all for playing (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ EDIT! Fic added under the cut for all the Tumblr readers out there <3

ANYWAY, here's another post-FsH Edgarton Valgrace fic: Yes Leo Time

“Do either of you know how to get a week’s worth of detention, fast?” Jason blurted. It was an embarrassing question to have to ask, but he was desperate and willing to get his help from anywhere at this point. Keith and David exchanged a puzzled look, before turning back to Jason. “Uh, yeah, probably,” David said slowly. “Why?” “Leo got detention,” Jason admitted. “I’ve been trying to get detention all afternoon, but I can’t figure it out.” “So that’s why you were just standing through Mr. Thomason’s lecture,” Keith laughed brightly. Jason groaned and hid his face in his arms again. “Guys, please. I’m running out of time. If I don’t get detention now, I won’t get it today.” “And why do you want detention again?” “Because Leo has detention,” Jason repeated like it should have been very obvious, which, to be clear, it was. “Your boyfriend got detention, so you’re getting detention, too, so you can hang out with him?” David asked, chin resting in his palm and eyes shining in mirth. “Gotta say, you’ve got weird taste in dates, Grace.” *** Jason gets detention

So, yeah, I’m gonna have after class detention for, like, a week. Leo had said the words so casually when he’d met up with Jason for their usual morning break, not realizing he was ruining Jason’s whole day. Really and truly, Jason shouldn’t have been surprised. He knew that Leo was by no means a teacher’s pet. He’d heard plenty of stories from him and Piper both about the nonsense the two of them had gotten up to at Wilderness, as well as them swapping tales of all their misdemeanors from before meeting. Piper was the self-dubbed “scourge of the LA private school system” and Leo seemed like his default state was getting into some sort of trouble. He’d even heard Piper complain over Iris Message about the punishments she’d been racking up at her school. Really and truly, it should have come as a shock that Leo hadn’t gotten detention before now.

But that was the thing. Leo hadn’t gotten detention. Not the whole four months that they’d been at Edgarton. Apparently, “fancy pants rich boy schools” are more than willing to kick out the brown kid on scholarship if he makes too much of a fuss, and Leo really didn’t want to get kicked out, a stance which made Jason feel a little fuzzy inside. So, Leo had been remarkably well-behaved, going to class and keeping his pranks to mild annoyances at worst, and Jason had assumed that they were basically home free.

What he’d forgotten to consider was the fact that Leo was an obstinate little bastard when he wanted to be. According to him, his Spanish teacher – a lady with blue eyes and bright red hair named Ms. Jones – had mistakenly corrected his pronunciation one too many times, and he’d decided that he’d simply not participate in her class. He still attended, so as not to get caught skipping, but he didn’t do any of the work she’d assigned him, and rattled off random bouts of Ancient Greek any time she tried to talk to him. Jason couldn’t really find fault in Leo’s actions (he’d nearly bitten off his classmate’s finger when he’d tried telling Jason he was conjugating his Latin wrong) but he wasn’t really fond of the results. He didn’t particularly like the fact that Leo was now going to be spending an extra hour and a half sitting in a classroom every day for a week. 

So, Jason had come up with a foolproof plan: get detention himself. Sure, he could just as well do, well, not that, but that would mean a whole seven and a half hours of No Leo Time, which would cut into his already limited Yes Leo Time, considering they only shared two classes. And what was Jason supposed to do while Leo was in detention? Sit around the dorm and just wait for Leo to come back? No! Jason was a Roman, a warrior. He wasn’t going to just sit there and twiddle his thumbs and wait for Leo, not when he could go out and face the threat head-on at Leo’s side! No, the only option he had was to get detention just like Leo.

The only problem was he… didn’t know how to do that.

Unfortunately, to match his best friends’ delinquent status, Jason was the most comically straight-laced student Edgarton had seen in a very long time, possibly ever. He didn’t follow the rules blindly (he had killed his math teacher a month before, after finding out she was an empousai, after all, and he was pretty sure that was against the rules) but he liked discipline and order. The rules of Edgarton were simple and reasonable, and Jason understood the benefit of most of them and the ones he didn’t love weren’t exactly a hardship. It was almost second nature for Jason to just… follow the rules laid out before him. He was so good at it, in fact that all of his teachers seemingly didn’t think he was capable at breaking the rules at all, which made getting detention very difficult.

Tried talking in class? The boy next to him was given two warnings before Jason shut up.

Tried breaking something? Oh, that globe really was in an inconvenient spot. It was bound to get knocked over some day. 

He’d even tried just standing in the middle of the room, completely stone faced and silent instead of going to his seat and his teacher had applauded him for his daring performance art. Granted, he probably should have tried that in a class other than Theater, but it had been his last class of the day and he’d run out of ideas. 

Now, things were really down to the wire. Jason was sitting in his homeroom class with only five minutes left before the final bell dismissed him and he would be sent back to his lonely dorm room sans boyfriend, and he had no idea what to do about it.

“Woah, Jay, you good, man?”

Jason looked up from where he’d had his head buried in his arms, wallowing in defeat to see Keith and David watching him with concerned looks. He liked Keith and David. They were on the lacrosse team with him, and they always made an effort to rope him into team stuff when he was awkwardly hovering on the fringes, unsure of what to do with himself. They were also pretty understanding and also had lots of experience being a teenager, which Jason admittedly lacked.

“Do either of you know how to get a week’s worth of detention, fast?” Jason blurted. It was an embarrassing question to have to ask, but he was desperate and willing to get his help from anywhere at this point.

Keith and David exchanged a puzzled look, before turning back to Jason. “Uh, yeah, probably,” David said slowly. “Why?”

“Leo got detention,” Jason admitted. “I’ve been trying to get detention all afternoon, but I can’t figure it out.”

“So that’s why you were just standing through Mr. Thomason’s lecture,” Keith laughed brightly.

Jason groaned and hid his face in his arms again. “Guys, please. I’m running out of time. If I don’t get detention now, I won’t get it today.”

“And why do you want detention again?”

“Because Leo has detention,” Jason repeated like it should have been very obvious, which, to be clear, it was.

“Your boyfriend got detention, so you’re getting detention, too, so you can hang out with him?” David asked, chin resting in his palm and eyes shining in mirth. “Gotta say, you’ve got weird taste in dates, Grace.”

“Guys! Come on!”

“Well, I mean, there is one option,” Keith said slowly. “But Coach isn’t gonna be happy with you.”

“Keith, what do–”

“I’ll do it,” Jason said immediately, glancing at the clock. Time was running short. “Just tell me what it is.”

“Jay, man, no! Don’t do this,” David protested. “Keith, what the hell?”

“He just looks so sad!” Keith argued. “I can’t just sit here.”

David rolled his eyes, but sat back. “Fine. Whatever, man. Do what you gotta.”

Keith turned back to Jason with a beaming smile. “Alright then. Punch me in the face.”

Without a second thought, Jason reared back and decked him.

*-*-*

Leo hated detention. He’d never loved detention, seeing as sitting in a boring room for an hour and a half should have been considered cruel and unusual punishment for someone like him, but since coming to Edgarton, he’d been very careful to avoid getting written up or anything like that. Partially because he was genuinely worried about getting kicked out if he became more of an effort than his (quite frankly, amazing) test scores were worth, but mostly because he had much better things to do now. Why the hell would he want to spend a second longer than he had to in a classroom when he could, instead, be swapping spit with his hot boyfriend? He wouldn’t. Obviously. He wouldn’t go so far as to say he regretted antagonizing Ms. Jones for the  better half of a week, but he did sort of wish he could have managed to land himself with lunch detention instead. Or better yet, detention instead of her class. It wasn’t like he needed her to teach him Spanish. He could ace her stupid quizzes in his sleep and pronounce everything correctly to boot.

But no. Ms. Jones was too fucking crafty for him, and she’d assigned him after school detention. He wondered if she knew that she was keeping him from making out with Jason. If she did, would that count as homophobia? He’d believe that Ms. Jones was homophobic. She had that air about her. Then again, even if she was, Leo doubted that “she gave me the wrong kind of detention so I couldn’t kiss my boyfriend” would really hold up in any sort of court. Damn her. Outmaneuvered him again. 

“Mr. Grace? What are you doing here?”

Leo whipped his head around to see Jason standing in the doorway, flushed cherry red and holding a sheet of paper, which he awkwardly handed over to Mrs. Warren. “I, um, have detention?”

Mrs. Warren looked down at the sheet, which Leo could now only assume was a detention slip, then back up at Jason, looking at him like he’d grown a second head. “Seems you do. Well, go on then. Take a seat.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Jason did that weird little twitch he did when he was smothering the reflex to salute and shuffled over to sit next to Leo. Mrs. Warren watched them with an arched eyebrow, but said nothing and went back to her cross stitch. Leo was glad Mrs. Warren was running detention. Mrs Warren was cool. And probably not homophobic, unlike Ms. Jones.

“So,” Leo drawled, cupping his chin and leveling Jason with a playful smirk. “How’d a guy like you wind up in a place like this, hm? Say ‘yes, sir’ one too many times or something?”

“Uh, no,” Jason said. He was refusing to look at Leo, which Leo didn’t mind because it meant he got to just stare at Jason and see the adorable flush deepening on his cheeks. “I, um, got in a fight.”

Leo’s eyebrows shot up and his face split open in a grin. “Ooh, a fight? I had no idea I was dating a bad boy.” Then his face puckered in concern. “Wait, why were you fighting? Was it a monster or–”

“I– Well, no,” Jason admitted. “And it wasn’t… really a fight. I just punched Keith once.”

“You punched Keith? I thought you liked Keith.”

“I do!” he insisted. “He told me to punch him!”

Leo squinted at Jason, who was still refusing to look at him, much like a dog sitting next to a mess they were desperately pretending they didn’t make. “And why did Keith tell you to punch him?”

“He said that was the fastest way to get detention?”

“And why did Keith want to get you in detention?” Jason mumbled something Leo couldn’t hear, so he made a show of cleaning out his ear and cupping his hand to it. “Run that by me one more time, compadre?” 

“I didn’t want you to be in detention by yourself?” Jason repeated. “I was worried Mrs. Warren was a… water nymph.”

“Uh-huh,” Leo grinned, cupping his chin in his hand. “And here I thought the nymphs were the good guys. My hero.”

“Nymphs aren’t always good,” Jason said seriously. “Back in Rome, some tried to drown me and Piper. And Percy.”

“Right, right. So, this is strictly a recon mission, it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that you’d be stuck boyfriendless?”

Jason finally turned to him, his face puffed up in what was probably supposed to be a scowl, but definitely came out as a pout. “I would have missed you.”

Leo felt his heart leap in his chest and his cheeks get warm as his grin turned more than a little besotted. He knew Jason cared about him. Like, to an almost embarrassing degree. He knew factually that he was Jason’s favorite person on the planet, but the thought that Jason – Mr. Perfect Pants himself – would stage a fight just to spend time with him made him giddier than a school girl. Without thinking, he grabbed Jason by the face and pulled him down for a kiss, brushing his thumbs over his wonderful boyfriend’s delightfully warm cheeks. Jason made a sharp startled sound for only a moment before he melted into the kiss, his hands coming up to hold onto Leo’s wrists like a lifeline. 

“Mr. Valdez, Mr. Grace, please refrain from public displays of affection in the classroom,” Mrs. Warren called lazily. “Feel free to do so in your own time, but wait until you are released.”

Leo pulled away from Jason and gave her a salute that was so sloppy it probably made a little piece of Jason’s soul die. “You got it, teach.” He turned back to Jason and very matter-of-factly said, “I’m like ninety-seven point six percent sure I’m in love with you.”

Jason just sat there and blinked stars out of his eyes, cheeks flushed and his lips curled up in an almost drunken smile. “Cool. I should get detention more often.”

Leo laughed brightly, loud enough that any teacher other than Mrs. Warren would have yelled at him, and grabbed Jason’s hand. He scooted over so their chairs were right next to one another and rested his head on Jason’s shoulder. Jason squeezed his hand and pressed a kiss to his hair, and Leo felt his heart melt just that little bit more. He shut his eyes and hummed softly, content to just listen to Jason breathe. 

Maybe he should get detention more often, too. 

[ffleurist]

🕸️ 015 . lines we crossed

synopsis caught between playful banter and rising tension, a kiss ignites feelings too raw to ignore, but his self-doubt threatens to tear you both apart before it can begin. wc 948

“bro??? i lost three times in a row! how are you so good at literally everything?”

he smirked, setting down his controller and taking yours in his hands. “it’s easy. come here, i’ll show you.” his warm, bruised hands covered yours as he guided you.

“so, to speed up, you press this button here, and to slow down, it’s this one. got it? now give it a shot.”

you blinked, clearly distracted. “huh?”

he raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “i said, try it out. i just taught you my tricks.”

“oh, okay,” you mumbled, trying to focus.

but he wasn’t convinced. “you didn’t listen to a word i said, did you?”

“i did!” you protested, fumbling to recall. “the decelerate button is here, and then the—”

before you could finish, he stepped closer, the proximity making your breath hitch. his voice was lower now, teasing. his breath brushed your lips.

as he lingered close, his gaze flickered from your eyes to your lips and back “you’re distracted again,” he said, “are you even trying to focus, or is it me?”

you swallowed, heat rushing to your cheeks. “i’m trying!”

“if you say so.” his fingers grazed yours briefly as he steps away from you.

“alright, one more round. if you lose again, maybe i’ll have to take over completely.”

you tried to focus on the screen, but the game blurred in comparison to the tension lingering between you. suddenly, the game ended, your character crashing into defeat yet again.

“game over,” he said with a laugh, leaning back triumphantly. “guess that’s four in a row.”

you groaned in frustration, throwing the controller down onto the couch. “i don’t even know why i bother.”

“maybe because you like losing to me," he teased, the smirk on his face infuriatingly charming.

shooting him a glare, you grabbed a pillow and tossed it at him. he caught it effortlessly, laughing as he leaned forward. "alright. i’ll let you win next time."

"yeah, sure," you muttered, but you couldn’t stop the small smile that tugged at your lips.

as his laughter subsided, the room seemed to settle into a comfortable silence. his teasing smirk softened, his eyes locking with yours in a way that made your breath hitch.

his gaze was steady on yours, the smirk fading into something softer, more vulnerable. he leaned in, his breath brushing against your lips, pausing just inches away. the world seemed to slow, your heart pounding in your chest as your eyes fluttered shut.

and then it happened, his lips met yours, tentative at first, but growing surer as the seconds passed. his hand found its way to your cheek, warm and grounding, while the other rested lightly on your waist.

just as you started to lose yourself in it, he abruptly pulled away, breaking the connection as his hands fell to his sides.

his expression had shifted entirely. the vulnerability you’d seen moments ago was now overshadowed by something else, like self-doubt. he stepped back, raking a hand through his hair.

“i—“ he started, his voice strained. “i shouldn’t have done that.”

you blinked, the sudden change throwing you off. “what?”

his jaw clenched as he avoided your gaze, his fists tightening at his sides. “you don’t understand. i’m not someone who deserves this.”

“michael,” you whispered but he just shook his head.

“you think i’m someone i’m not. it you knew everything about who i really am, you wouldn’t, you wouldn’t want this. you wouldn’t want me.” his voice cracked slightly, but he quickly masked it with a bitter laugh.

“stop,” you said firmly, reaching out to him, your hand brushing against his arm. “i don’t care about whatever you think makes you undeserving. i know who you are, and i’m still here anyway.”

he finally looked at you, his eyes searching yours like he was trying to find a reason to believe you. “you don’t get it,” he said, his voice quieter now. “i don’t want to hurt you.”

“michael,” you said softly, reaching for his hand, but he pulled away before you could touch him.

“i overstayed my welcome i have to go,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. his eyes lingered on you for a moment longer, as though he wanted to say more but couldn’t bring himself to.

“huh? i don’t understand, where are you going?” your voice cracked as you watched him step back.

“i’m sorry, y/n” he said, his tone heavy with regret.

without another word, he turned and walked out, leaving you standing there, your chest tight with confusion and the ache of something left unfinished.

series MASTERLIST

notes from lily ❦⋆ : no more fever but the headaches is so bad omg 🙂

TAGLIST

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[idkwhatever580]

Gina?

Masterlist

Pairings: Regina George x reader

Prompt: reader helps Regina when her life falls apart

Warnings: self hate, swearing,

A/N: I had a request to do this and I did it the other way around so here is a different version. I stuggled with the body part since I kind of was going on and on and it led to something else but I hope you like it!

Y/n’s pov

I just got to my girlfriend’s house. Her mom called me and said she’s been on the treadmill for two hours.

Ms. George called around four and she said that she left school early and wouldn’t get off, so I immediately told her that I was coming over.

I had just gotten out of school too.

So I run into the house and say a quick

“Hey Ms. George!”

And I ran to their workout room.

The door is locked so I knock really hard so she can hear me. She thinks I’m her mom so she yells

“Mom I told you I need to lose three pounds!!!”

“Gina baby! It’s me! Y/n! Can you please let me in?

“No! You need to go! I need to lose more weight!”

I sigh when I realize she’s not getting off that machine until I drag her off. So I quickly find two Bobby pins and pick the lock. Thank god for coach carr.

He might not have taught me a lot of things. Except for that if you have sex you’ll get chlamydia and die. (False) but he once had to pick the lock to get back into the classroom when he accidentally got us all locked out.

So I open the door and find her eating a gross looking bar of sorts.

I turn off the treadmill and say

“Gina. Please. This isn’t healthy.”

She is panting and sweating and she finally kind of snaps out of it.

She is like really fucking tired now so I help her to the bathroom to clean off.

“What kind of bar is that Gina?”

She shrugs while washing her hair and says

“It’s like a Kalteen bar. It’s Swedish or something”

I furrow my eyebrows and say

“Where did you get these from and what do they do?”

“They make you lose weight. And Cady gave them to me.”

She steps out of the shower and I say

“I don’t trust that girl”

She kind of scoffs and says

“You don’t trust anyone”

I look at her as she dries off and I say

“You’re right. I don’t trust very many people. Do you even know what is in this?”

She shrugs and says

“No.”

I squint and grab the package of the bars and I look up the brand. My eyes widen when I read the description.

All of the ingredients are said to be aids in gaining weight. So I turn to Regina and say

“Spit that out. Right. Now.”

She listens and spits it out, but says

“Why?”

I grab her hand and say

“You know how I said you shouldn’t trust Cady Heron?”

She rolls her eyes and says

“Yes come on tell me”

I sigh and pick up the bar and say

“This shit makes you gain weight. She literally tricked you.”

She takes the information in and then starts screaming.

Loud.

I cover my ears and as she is screaming she goes into her closet and grabs this pink book.

She finally stopped screaming. I’ve never seen this book before so I say

“What’s that?”

“A burn book”

She starts writing something in it and puts her picture in it.

“What is it about?”

She huffs and says

“It has all the girls in our class in it. Talks shit about them.”

I look at her with wide eyes and say

“Am i in it?”

She groans and says

“No. You go to north west. . I go to north shore. It only has north shore juniors in it. Also I’d never let them write anything bad about you anyways.”

I frown and nod my head and say

“What are you doing with it?”

She rolls her eyes and says

“I’m taking it to the school. Showing everyone. Blaming the three bitches who wouldn’t let me sit at my fucking table!”

I widen my eyes and say

“Wait. You couldn’t sit at their table?”

She nods her head and says

“Because I was wearing fucking sweatpants and it wasn’t the day.”

I scoff and say

“Wow. That’s stupid”

She nods and starts crying and says

“Sweatpants are all that fits me right now because of those stupid bars. I thought Cady was nice.”

I sign and nod my head. I run to hug her and say

“Let’s think this through baby. Whatever is in this book is going to ruin some people’s lives right now okay? I know she ruined yours. I know. But there’s no need to be the same way. Remember what we talked about?”

She looks at me and says

“What?”

I smile and say

“When someone hurts us. We get back up. Stand taller than them. And come back better than ever.”

She huffs and says

“Why though? Why can’t I ruin her life?”

I sigh and say

“Regina. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Don’t be the girl that hurt you first okay? Cady is a horrible person. She will have to deal with the consequences of that. But you are a good person.”

She sniffles and says

“I’m actually not”

I frown and say

“Huh?”

“I’m not a good person.”

I laugh softly and say

“What are you talking about baby?”

She sits up and takes a deep breath. It almost looks like she is preparing herself for me to leave her or something.

“Y/n. You know I am pretty popular right?”

I nod my head and say

“What does popularity have to do with anything?”

She looks down and says

“I’m not just popular. I’m like the head bitch in charge. I rule that fucking school. Every girl wants to be me. And I am mean. I’m a bully. I’ve never been nice to anyone. Not even Gretchen or Karen.”

I look at her confused and say

“What are you talking about? That doesn’t sound like you at all”

She sighs and shakes her head.

“I know. Because I am different around you. You make me a better person. But in reality. I am no better than Cady. There’s this one girl. I used to be friends with her. Her name is Janis. I ruined her life in sixth grade. I told everyone she was a lesbian because she was sad when I didn’t hang out with her because I had a boyfriend.”

I nod my head trying to take all this information in.

“And I bullied her so bad that she lit our shared stuffed animal on fire. Because I was using it to call her a lesbian without her knowing. So she lit it on fire. And then I caught my backpack on fire. I knew that. I knew she didn’t try to light my backpack on fire. And what did i do? I called her a pyro-lez. Everyone bullied her too. Trying to be like me.”

I look down and say

“Wow. That. That’s a lot”

She nods her head and says

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out. I thought we’d make it to college and I could be a completely different person. I thought I could run and be the person I want to be. But when you told me that you were switching schools for senior year I freaked out. Started focusing on everything that was happening this year like my body and my school life so that I could get it all this year. Because I knew the second you found out you’d dump me and then I’d become a loser.”

I nod my head as I listen to her.

“Regina?”

She stops and says

“I’m ready. I’m ready for you to break up with me”

I shake my head and say

“I’m not breaking up with you.”

She furrows her eyebrows as I continue.

“I’m sticking with you. Okay? Clearly you have a lot of things you need to work through. And that’s okay. We all do. But I am not leaving you. I love you okay? I love everything about you. And I’m not going to leave you because I know you can be better”

She nods her head and looks away and says

“Y/n? Why do you love me? I’m not pretty anymore”

I scoff and say

“What? You mean because Cady gave you those fuck ass bars? Because you gained a little weight?”

She nods her head and says

“I’m not pretty like I used to be. My body is ruined.”

I sigh and say.

“Take off your shirt”

Her eyes widen and she says

“What?”

I shake my head and say

“I’m not doing anything. Just take off your shirt okay?”

She does so and I get on my knees in between her legs. I kiss her stomach and I say

“I love your stomach. I love your stomach whether it is skinny and tiny or thicker okay?”

I move down and kiss her thighs

“I love your thighs. Whether or not they have a gap okay?”

She nods her head and I start kissing all over her and I say

“I love every inch of you. Every single inch. You having gained a little weight means nothing to me because you’re so so beautiful.”

Then I stand up and kiss her forehead.

“I love your mind. Because deep down I know you are good. If you really weren’t good I would have left you a long time ago. But you are good. You can be good to everyone.”

She tears up and says

“I want to be good”

I smile and say

“You do?”

She nods and says

“But I don’t know how”

I smile and say

“I’ll help you with that. But you have to look at me first and say you’re pretty”

She hesitates and shakes her head. I raise an eyebrow so she rolls her eyes and sighs. Then she mumbles

“I’m pretty”

I smirk and say

“Now mean it”

Once she realizes she’s not getting out of it, she sighs and for real says

“I love my body. I am pretty”

I smile and say

“Good job baby. Now. Let’s talk about what you’re gonna do now okay?”

She nods her head and I say

“So obviously this Janis girl has been hurt by you.”

She nods her head and I continue

“What are you going to do about that?”

She hesitantly says

“I’m gonna apologize?”

I nod my head and say

“Good job baby. You’re gonna apologize and explain to her why you did it all those years.”

She shakes her head and looks at me with pleading eyes and says

“What if she doesn’t care and still hates me?”

I sigh and say

“That’s a very likely possibility Regina. She might hate you. And that’s okay. Sometimes you have to understand that if you apologized, although it doesn’t make what you did right, it means you were willing to reconcile with them. And if they don’t care then that becomes their problem because you did what you could.”

She nods her head and says

“What else am I gonna do?”

I think and say

“You’re gonna burn that”

I point to the burn book she has and she says

“Why?”

I sigh and say

“Gina. You heard me. That book has the ability to ruin someone’s life. Honestly if I was in it and whatever had been written about me had gotten out I’d probably have hurt myself. We don’t want anyone to do that because of us right?”

She nods her head a lot and says

“I don’t want them to hurt”

I nod and say

“So you’re gonna?”

She finishes

“I’m gonna burn it tonight”

I nod and say

“Good job baby”

Then she says

“Let’s do it now.”

I smile and say

“Okay. Let’s do it now.”

We go to the backyard and I grab some lighter fluid from the barbecue pit and Regina throws the burn book in the fire pit.

I hand her the lighter fluid and she squirts some onto it and then I take it and trade her for the lighter.

She turns to me not knowing how to light it and I give her a bit of fire starter and say

“Wanna record it?”

She nods so I grab my phone and she burns the book.

We sit and watch it turn into ashes and I give her a hug. She turns to me and says

“It kind of feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders”

I smile and say

“Good. It should feel that way.”

We put the rest of the fire out and go back inside.

“Okay y/n, what else do I have to do?”

I smile and say

“Well I’m taking you shopping. You can’t go back better than ever wearing the sweatpants that fit you right now. So we’re going to buy some cute clothes in your current size and you’re gonna own it”

She smiles and says

“Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We come back from the shopping spree with two bags in each hand

“That was amazing baby thank you for taking me and spoiling me”

I smile and say

“Anything for my love”

She smiles and then sets out an outfit for the next day.

I smile proudly and she turns around with a doubtful look.

“What if none of it works? What if everyone thinks I’m kidding when I start being nice? What if I don’t get any friends?”

I sigh and say

“It won’t matter. You’ll have me. I’ll always be here for you and next year I’ll be by your side. We are probably getting the same classes since we’re on the same course plan so we’ll have a lot of time together.”

She smiles and says

“Thanks baby you always know how to reassure me.”

I smile and nod.

“Of course baby. You deserve to know you’re not alone”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My school gets off on Fridays so I stayed home while Regina went to school.

She has been texting me all day asking for reassurance that she can do this. And I have nothing to do so I give it.

She is supposed to be talking to Janis this class period since they both have one class.

I told her to do it privately so nobody feels any pressure.

She calls me and I pick up.

“Regina? Baby are you okay?”

“Yeah! I’m good!”

She sounds happy that’s a good sign.

“How’d it go?”

She giggles at someone who is talking to her and she says

“Janis and I talked it out and she’s so fun. I have been talking and laughing with her all period! Thank you for encouraging me to do this.”

I sigh and say

“Did you tell her about the burn book?”

She says

“Mhm. We talked about it and she said I was having problems with internalized homophobia”

I smile and say

“Yeah. That’s probably it. Than what happened?”

“We just started talking and it was like before! When we used to be best friends you know?”

I say

“Mhm”

And she continues

“Hey! So I have to go okay? I don’t want to get in trouble for having my phone out but I just wanted to say that Janis and I are gonna hang out tonight. Is that okay?”

“Yeah that’s fine. Wait before you go did you mean like you’re gonna hang out with her and then hang out with me?”

She giggles at that person again

Probably Janis

“Oh um. I think we’re gonna catch up like a bunch so probably not. We can hang out tomorrow night though right?”

I sigh and say

“Yeah that’s fine baby. Call me tonight?”

She laughs and says

“I will. I love you baby bye bye”

“I love you too bye”

We hang up and I throw my phone on the bed.

Of course I’m a little hurt. We were supposed to go on a date tonight. Like we do every Friday night. But it’s fine. She is just excited about Janis. And that’s okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My sister comes into my room in the afternoon and says

“You’re not going to Regina’s?”

I shake my head

“But it’s your date night?”

I smile and say

“She’s catching up with an old friend.”

She makes an oh face and leaves me be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve been watching movies all evening and it’s almost midnight. I do have to sleep eventually but Regina hasn’t called me yet.

I sigh and accept that she’s not gonna call me tonight so I turn off my tv and go to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up and check my phone to hopefully see some texts from Regina but nothing shows up.

Just a few emails and snap streaks.

I check all of Regina’s socials and I see her story.

She went to the movies with Janis to watch Inside Out 2.

We were supposed to watch that together.

I tear up because we had planned that since we first saw the trailers for it.

And she watched it without even a thought of me.

I get lost in my thoughts.

Maybe this was her thing the whole time. She bullied Janis because she liked her. And I was just someone to take her mind off of her. But she got her. And I am gonna be left. And after all I did for her? Are you kidding me?! I helped her. I love her. I have so much up for her. And she’s just gonna drop me for this girl?!

I didn’t realize until my phone started ringing that I am crying.

It’s Regina. I check the time and see it’s noon.

I wipe my tears and make myself a little more presentable even though she can’t see me and I pick up.

“Wow baby. You usually pick up after the first ring”

I laugh and cover up the fact that I was just crying and say

“I was in the bathroom sorry”

She hums and says

“How was your night?”

I sigh and say

“It was fine”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you. It’s just Janis and I had so much fun and she decided to stay over at my house last night and I felt like I would be a bad friend if I called my girlfriend while she was there.”

“It’s okay Gina. I get it. I just wish you texted me”

“I know I just got caught up and had so much fun and forgot. I’m sorry”

“It’s okay.”

After a pause I decided to bring up the movie and say

“So… you and Janis went to the movies last night?”

She hums and says

“Yeah it was so much fun. You would have loved it.”

I feel another tear coming and I suck it up.

“Yeah. What did you guys watch?”

“We watched.. inside out 2”

She trails off when she realizes what we were supposed to do next week. But before she says anything I say

“So you’re cancelling next week? I mean. It would be kind of wasteful to just watch it again right? Waste of time.”

She sighs and says

“I’m so sorry y/n. I completely forgot. Janis had asked me and I just said yes without thinking. We can still go if you want to?”

I say

“No it’s okay. I’ll watch it when it comes out on Netflix or something. I don’t like the movies anyways.”

Lie. I love the movies.

“Huh. I thought you loved the movies?”

I huff and say

“It’s fine.”

She says

“Janis left a few minutes ago and I called as soon as I could.”

I hum and say

“Oh that’s nice. I’m glad you’re catching up with her”

She then says

“Yeah. Want to hang out today?”

“Uhh I don’t know, I’m kinda busy today. I have a lot of chores to do.”

“Oh. Well I could help you with them! Then we could spend time together and they’ll be finished faster so we can hang out!”

I reluctantly give in. I kind of don’t want to hang out with her since I’m hurt but maybe it’ll be easier to explain to her in person.

“Sure. Come over”

“Okay!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regina gets to my house and immediately hugs me. I melt into her embrace and say

“Thanks for coming.”

“Of course! Anything to hang out with my person!”

I smile awkwardly and just walk back to my chores.

I start folding clothes and Regina tries to talk to me.

“So. What did you do this morning?”

“Slept in”

“Oh. Um did you sleep alright?”

“I slept fine”

“Okay. Did you have a good day yesterday?”

I sigh and say

“Not really”

This is the perfect set up to tell her how I feel. I need to communicate with her better.

“Oh. Why wasn’t it good?”

I fold the last shirt I have and pick up my pile and take it to my room and Regina follows me.

“I don’t know”

I get scared and shut down a bit but Regina knows this play

“Don’t do that. Tell me why it wasn’t good baby”

I put my clothes in my drawer and pick up some shoes and put them in my closet. I end up picking some stuff up and I’m on my knees by my shoes.

I try to say something but nothing comes out. So Regina peeks her head in and says

“Hello?”

I turn from my spot on the ground and tear up slightly.

“Oh baby! Don’t cry! What happened?”

She comes and sits down next to me in my now cramped closet.

“I don’t know. I’m having a hard time saying it”

“I understand that. Take your time baby. I’m here”

I sigh and smile slightly when I realize she has picked up my words from when we were in this situation but reversed.

“I guess- I- ugh this is so hard”

I run my hands through my hair and Regina just listens. She gives me a reassuring look and I feel better about telling her.

“I am hurt I guess. By you. See I love that you are rekindling a friendship that you lost a long time ago but it’s not like you to dip on me okay!”

She furrows her eyebrows and says

“Dip? We didn’t have any plans last night did we?”

I sigh and say

“It was Friday last night. We always make plans. Remember? It was your week to plan it. But that’s not even the only thing. You dipped on me, which I said it was fine because I knew you were excited about being friends with her again, then you didn’t call me like you said you would. And to top it all off I woke up this morning to see you watched a movie with her that we had plans to watch together! I’m just really hurt that you didn’t remember all of that.”

She looks down feeling bad that she did all of that.

“I’m so sorry y/n”

I look at her and say

“It’s fine. I’m just being over dramatic.”

I wipe my tears and go to get up but she grabs me and says

“No. It’s not fine. You should be my priority. But you were not last night. I got so caught up in me and Janis that I completely forgot about you. And that’s not okay. I should have remembered that you and I were going to watch the movie. I should have remembered to call you. But I didn’t.”

I sigh and say

“I’m sorry I just am jealous I guess. I feel like you never act like this and I got scared that you’d leave me for her because you didn’t want me to begin with. I thought maybe you had wanted Janis but didn’t know if you could have her but you knew you could have me”

She laughs and shakes her head

“No baby. I love you so much. I had a lapse of judgment last night. And I apologize. I don’t like Janis like that. Thank goodness. But I won’t leave you. Ever. And by the way. I really appreciate you telling me this. It can take a lot and you’re helping our relationship be better by communicating with me.”

I smile and say

“Thank you baby I’m sorry I got so worked up. I just let my thoughts get to me.”

She nods and says

“I can relate to that”

I smile and say

“So. What do we do now?”

I look around and she does too. We’re still on the floor of my cramped closet and she says

“I guess we cuddle and watch a movie together?”

I smile and say

“I like that idea.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: this totally went the opposite of what I planned but it’s fine 😚 it’s cute either way. I hope y’all liked it!!

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